"Well your boyfriend is big, right? Is he as big as her? She probably wears a large. Would he be about that size? Should I ask her if she wears a large?"
"Shh, no! Don't ask!"
What do I do here? Pretend I don't hear? Answer?
I usually end up acting like I have no idea what's going on, but I guess I just have a face that says, "Tell me exactly what you think."
These are a few of my recent favorites:
"I'm buying a t-shirt for my 11-year-old grandson. He's a little chubby. Actually, you're sort of built like him, what size do you wear?"
"You're... what? Six? Ten feet tall?"
"You'd make a good ship's mast."
And tonight was nice. During a particularly insane rush at work, a regular (who never orders anything, just shows up to say hello and talk about hats) came in and said, "Hey Jess, you look horrible!"
Running around like a jerk, I nodded and smiled. "OK thanks, Larry."
"No, really. Just awful. You look really really tired."
"Oh, OK, thank you."
"Are you sick?"
"Just really busy, Lar."
"Well you look terrible."
"OK great! Talk soon."