Wednesday, August 29, 2007

You, uhh, Got Any Gum?

It must be nice to do whatever the hell you want and know the people around you will love you more because of it. Dogs have this distinct honor. Extremely good looking people come in a close second, but a wink and a toothy grin will do little to help the hottie who, say, takes a shit on the floor. People will forgive their dogs anything. The greater the offense, the deeper the love. "You ate my entire sofa! How did you manage to do that? You're superdog, that's who you are!"

New parents always think their children are the best and dog owners are the same way with their pets. Benchmark moments like feedings, potty training and new tricks are all shared with such enthusiasm. And the silly things a baby does are recounted with such pride. Only, parents eventually stop sharing these stories because what was once cute becomes embarrassing. They don't want you to know that their son is now 20 and still dropping his keys in the toilet. But a dog? A dog can be a lifetime idiot and still seem like something to brag about.
I love that about dogs.

My sister's dog, Stella, adds all new descriptions to the definition of cute. It's really ridiculous. My phone conversations with Nessa almost always start or end with, "Can you put me on speakerphone?" But since I just start cooing, "Stelllla, hi Stella!" without exception, Vanessa refuses to do it.

This morning she called to share that Stella had gotten into an entire pack of Winterfresh and described what she looked like trying to chew the gum. Head tilted, trying to figure out what was going on, a huge wad of gum and foil wrappers hanging out of her mouth, gum on her front paws causing sheets of paper to stick to her wherever she walked. Nessa said, "Listen, if you've never seen a dog chew gum, sprint to a pet store with a pack of Eclipse."
I wish more of my days would start with such great sentences.

Ever since seeing "Bedknobs and Broomsticks" as a child, I've wanted all animals to walk on their hind legs. It's been a hard wish to shake. I've basically narrowed it down to only really wanting domestic cats to walk on two legs at all times (and wear pants). But now the visual of a dog standing up, walking down the street chewing gum is something I think could happen.

Small, reasonable goals. That's how I approach life.

Friday, August 17, 2007

These Are Getting Old.

Remember when you realized Kristen Schaal is the funniest person on the planet?

That was an important day.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Alas, A Lapse.

Remember when i said i was going to have "Remember When Fridays?"
Well, I forgot about it. Ha.

Anyway, remember when R. Kelly and Usher were dating the same girl, even though the girl was the love of R. Kelly's life and his potential wife?

Yeah, I remember that too.

Friday, August 03, 2007


A woman in Arkansas just gave birth to her 17th child.
Read that sentence again.
And now go back and read it one more time.
I thought I would have 1,000 different things to say about this, but I guess I don't.