Friday, October 24, 2008

Move Over Sexy Hobo.

I was a "hobo" for halloween basically every year of my childhood for two reasons:

1) It was always freezing by the time halloween rolled around and any costume I was wearing was covered up by a sweatshirt, a winter coat, and one of my dad's flannels before I was allowed to go outside.
"No one will know what I am!"
"You're a hobo!"

2) I actually was a hobo one halloween and we kept the plastic cigar and bindle on a stick that the costume came with, so those things were given to me at the last minute, every year.

Anyway, I know the sexy costume discussion is brought up annually, but it really has become ridiculous. Think of any costume you've had throughout your life, add "sexy" in front of it, and I'll bet you a sexy dollar they sell it somewhere on the internets. Mark my words, by October 31, 2009, Sexy Crayon and Sexy Pumpkin will be making out together somewhere in America. In the meantime, these are for real.

Sexy Dirty Cop
Sexy Queen Bee
Sexy Rag Doll
Sexy Army Nurse
Sexy Lady Bug. (really?)
Candy Corn Witch Sexy Costume
Sexy Gangsta Lady
Sassy Gangster Jumpsuit Adult Costume (for the sexy gangsta lady's business meeting)
Sexy Pirate Booty (well played)
Sexy Victorian Pirate
Sexy Renaissance Pirate (because there's a serious difference in period piece costume design)
Vixen Pirate Wench (out of stock)
Buccaneer Beauty
Playboy Buccaneer Beauty
Sexy Zorro
Sexy Ghostbuster
and Sexy Hobo (which is just the bindle and the cigar. brrr.)

V's co-worker is going as "The Conspicuous Ninja," wearing brightly colored spandex, bells, and covering his sneakers in bubble wrap so it snaps when he walks. I'm sorry, but one funny play on words costume is sexier than all of the above combined. Puns and ninjas beat out Sexy Candy Corn Witch every time. And seriously, what the hell is a candy corn witch?

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Your Call Is Important To Us.

Robocalls were the big story on cable news yesterday. Apparently the automated calls are growing nastier and more frequent, inundating and annoying the voters in key swing states. CNN reported that studies show "half of us hang up on our robo friends" while "other voters listen angrily and then hang up." Question. How were those studies conducted? Over the phone? And how scientific is a study that concludes that all telephone calls end with someone hanging up?

It's a sad commentary on our times that 12 days before the most important election of our generation, the issue news networks are covering concerns not wanting to go over our monthly minutes. Joe Biden recently insisted that McCain stop the robocalls sent out by his campaign, saying, "John, stop your ads! Bring down those robocalls!" Kind of has a "Tear down this wall!" vibe to it, only, it's about pre-recorded messages. Imagine the historic significance of a Reagan speech that demanded, "Mr. Gorbachev, stop calling my home during the dinner hour!"

Aside from spreading untruths and being ridiculously annoying, the robocall thing is upsetting in that it shows us how little politicians have learned about America. Namely, that if you absolutely must use robocalling techniques, you absolutely must hire Samuel L. Jackson to record the message. No one is going to stay on the line while Giuliani bashes Obama, but if Samuel L. Jackson had a few things to say about Snakes on the Straight Talk Express, I'd probably put the call on speakerphone.

Note: Given the nature of the name Robocall, it's nearly impossible not to think of RoboCop. I really wanted this post to be about RoboCop, but I'm not sure I've ever actually seen that movie, so I came up with very little. I did, however, stumble across the tagline for the 1987 film. "Part man. Part machine. All cop. The future of law enforcement." And I thought to myself, why is this not the tagline formula for every movie? And then (true story) I stumbled across the tagline for Beverly Hills Chihuahua-- "50% Warrior. 50% Lover. 100% Chihuahua"-- and realized that it already is.