Wednesday, September 29, 2010

One Big, Weird Family.

I had the most random bus ride home tonight, and that's saying a lot because I feel like I always have random bus trips. When I got on after work a man standing right next to the front door smiled and said, "Welcome to to family!"
I get comments from weirdos about 300 times a day, so I lightly smiled and moved to the back of the bus.

At the next stop, before more people got on he said to the rest of the bus, "Here comes more family!" And as each person boarded he would point and tell everyone, "This is our brother! This is my sister!"

When an old woman with an ice cream cone got on at Comm Ave he asked loudly, "Would anyone like some of her ice cream? It's OK, she's my sister. I'm feeling generous."
The woman held her ice cream a little tighter as she ate it and never once cracked a smile. By the fifth or sixth time he had offered to share her cone with the bus, I think she had had it. 

When new people were picked up he would happily tell them, "You're my brother." And then introduce them to the bus as such. "Excuse me, family? This is our brother."

Asking two college girls sitting next to each other if they were sisters they politely said no, just friends. He corrected them by saying, "No, you're sisters. And your sister is behind you too." Pointing to me, the girls turned around and I faked surprise, asking one of them in disbelief, "Sister?!" To which she replied, "Oh my gosh! Sister!"
I let my smile fade and said in a serious tone, "You should call mom."

We exchanged smiles, they turned around, and I spent the rest of my ride listening to the introduction of more siblings and wondering if I actually could get a bite of that cone.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Are You Ready Boots?

Oh boy, do I love fall! 
I love the smells, the slightly chilly mornings, the colors, the rainy nights that demand you curl up with a movie and takeout, and of course, the wardrobe. I wear layers throughout the summer so you can only imagine how I go to town in the fall. Jackets and sweaters! Blazers and button-downs! High socks and boots! BOOTS! YAY! I enjoy seeing people in their fall boots almost more than anything during this time of year. It's weird, I know, but I don't care.

People-watching is so good in autumn simply for the outfits alone. Sitting on a bench with a coffee and just observing is like having the world's largest shoe store on display. Gold and red leaves create the perfect runway for people and their boots. And even if I'm not crazy about a pair, I still appreciate the effort. I find myself thinking, "Hmm, those aren't my best show but thanks for putting them on today." 

Anyway, Meredith and I went boot shopping the other day and she found a great pair but they didn't have my size in the ones I wanted. After I spent a few days sulking and searching online, she surprised me by calling all the surrounding DSW's, tracking down a pair in my size, placing them on hold, and booking the most hilarious zip car in the world to take a field trip to get them. 
She's sort of wonderful.

Mer: OK, gray suede, 9.5, on hold about 20 miles away, I'll pick you up in the Smart car.

Smart car!!!!!

Boots, funny little car! What more could I want?!

The trip was hysterical, mainly because I barely fit inside. 

And I always thought I was longer than a Smart car, but it turns out that's not true. 

Once we got to the store, it wasn't much easier to fit into the boots thanks to all the junk they had stuffed inside. Every time I thought I had gotten the last bunch of shoe fluff, I found more.
Meredith was very helpful in documenting my sad attempts to try on footwear.

I eventually got them on. All my pride was lost in the process, but it was worth it.
I was so excited about them I didn't even mind that they blocked my view of the road for the entire trip home. 

Thanks Mer!

Monday, September 20, 2010

Now Is Not Snack Time.

I recently noticed a Polly-O string cheese wrapper in my bathroom wastebasket. 

This triggered two thoughts:
1) Hey, look! They still make Polly-O string cheese! 
2) Who the hell is eating Polly-O string cheese in the bathroom?  

Friday, September 17, 2010

Deli Series: Andres The Sandwich Guy.

"Andres The Sandwich Guy" is the name of a cartoon I want Andres, the sandwich guy at work, to write, draw, and star in. He's the closest thing I've ever met to a real-life cartoon character (next to Geoff Gavett). Between his hilarious noises and impressions, his amazing accent, and the way his imagination works, he usually keeps me laughing throughout a shift. 

When Lindsey used to work at the restaurant (Hi Lindsey! Miss your face!) Andres would always hold his heart after she left for the night and say in his thick Colombian accent, "I juss... want to kees her." And then he would hold a fake person in his arms and dip them a little. 

"I juss... want to kees her." has become one of my favorite lines in life. 

When Lauren was promoted, this was the exchange we had:
Me: Congratulate Lauren! She's a manager now.
Andres (squinting with his head tilted): Why do you say this?
Me: Because it's true.
Andres: Why's it true?
Me: Andres, it's true.
Andres (smiling like a little kid): Good. She's hot. 

And every time it rains he says with such incredible passion, "I loaf the thunder! I loooooaf it!" 

He often dances around his station and makes random voices for the meats before he slices them. If you know to pay attention, he's the most entertaining person in the restaurant. 

Amalia has a nice post about some of his recent work. Enjoy:)

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Cousin Steven's Wedding.

My cousin has always known how to throw a party and his wedding last weekend didn't disappoint. During the wedding party introductions, smoke and music filled the huge hall and when they announced Steven and his wife I turned to Mer and said, "I think my cousin is coming out of the floor."
Sure enough, there was this large movable staircase that appeared out of nowhere and Steven and his wife Lisa casually walked down.
The entire evening was sort of a variation on that theme.
I couldn't possibly describe it accurately. 

Prior to the wedding, my sister Sabrina attempted to coordinate plans, as she is wont to do. This is from a chain of emails concerning rides to and from the church/reception hall/Queens/Manhattan. 
Driving to the church:
Ness, are you and Andrea going with Mom and Dad? They'll pick you guys up in Astoria that afternoon, unless you want to take a cab to their hotel.
Jess & Meredith, will you guys come with me and Chris? We'll plan to leave around 1 pm on Sunday in case there is traffic.
After the wedding we'll drive back to Astoria, freshen up and take a car service at 5:30 (can be changed if we need to) from my apt. I've already scheduled the pick up.
Nessa & Andrea, I assume you guys will go directly back to hotel with mom and dad, then take the shuttle to the wedding?
I called the venue and they can call a taxi for us after the party, so Jess and Meredith, we'll take one back to my apt. and Nessa and Andrea, I think you guys are going back to Manhattan?
All sound OK?

Andrea and I are taking an 18 passenger party bus. It will just be she and I. No one else is invited. We will be wearing party hats and have those blower things. Tell ya friends.

I will be using the handicapped entrance to the bus because I want to have a dramatic entrance, I will be lowered very slowly, please bring a trumpet/red carp/tuna sandwich

I always smile when Bri's amazingly detailed plans are met with responses like this.

Anyway, great food, probably too many beverages, and totally wonderful to see all my family. 
Steven is such a great guy and I'm thrilled for his happy life. 

Here are some pics:

And just to give you an idea of how hard it is to actually take a picture together...

Speaking of Rounds.

Mer: We were watching Grand Rounds today at work--
Me (interrupting): Ground Round?! Do you remember that place? Pay What You Weigh? Did you ever do that?
Mer: Yeah.
Me: My mom used to ask me not to when I was a kid.

(Cue Meredith laughing uncontrollably for five minutes.)


Thursday, September 09, 2010

Perhaps Something Different For The Church.

I dropped off a dress at the dry cleaners to wear to my cousin's wedding in New York this weekend and this is the exchange I had with the guy there.

Tailor: OK, one skirt? Dry-Cleaning only?
Me: Yeah, it's a dress. But yes, dry-cleaning only.
Tailor: No, skirt.
Me: No. Dress.
Tailor. OK... dress.

I get that I'm taller than your average bear, but geez! The dress is not that unrecognizable as a dress.

One Of Two.

Totally late the other morning, waiting in vain for the bus, I noticed an extremely well-dressed gentleman walking at a pace only slightly faster than not moving at all. 

Sweating and disheveled from my 8-minute sprint to the bus stop, it occurred to me that the Brooks Brothers Molasses Stride Man was either incredibly good at budgeting his time, or had absolutely nowhere to be.

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

I'll Be Rocking That Beet.

Since the very first time I delivered a bowl of borscht to a customer at work I've said, "Drop a beet!" while placing it in front of them. 
No one has ever laughed. 
Not once. 

This hasn't stopped me, of course. I've told myself that the day I get even the slightest chuckle out of someone, I'm walking out of the restaurant the way George Costanza left a room after telling a good joke. 

Anyway, a kid I work with was talking about his music promotion gigs the other day and dropping names of super super underground hip-hop artists like I should know what he was talking about.
-You know Tictic Boom? 
-Pawned Yawn and the Day-Old Crew?
-Wait, are they kind of like BunnyLove?
-Well the lead guy--
-Yeah, I don't know them.

So I casually mentioned that I've been working on some stuff, mostly for fun, but asked him if he might be interested in promoting for me. And because he genuinely is a really chill guy, he lit up and agreed. 

-What are you into?
-Well I've been spinning for years as DJ Tanner, and I spit for a bit in San Francisco as Baby Bok Choy, but lately I've been working on vocal perc as DJ Cold Borscht. DJ Cold Borscht! Dropping Beets!

Long story short, look for me at BunnyLove's next show.

Monday, September 06, 2010

The Hits Just Keep On Coming.

 The other night at work as I was passing a table, a little girl pointed at me and shouted to her father, "He's BIG!"

Saturday, September 04, 2010

A Letter.

Dear 4 Bed Pillows and 61-Piece Silverware Set That I Just Bought,

Thank you for making me look like a complete idiot while trying to carry you all home at once.


Thursday, September 02, 2010


Iced coffee costs more than regular coffee, but if you don't drink your iced coffee fast enough, it becomes the same temperature as regular coffee. And if you don't drink your regular coffee fast enough, it becomes the same temperature as an iced coffee that has lost its ice.

So I guess the lesson is, hurry up.  

Wednesday, September 01, 2010


Sorry for the lack of posts during the month of August. I was in a very odd subletting situation (more on this to follow-- probably not though...) and felt busier than usual with life. 

I moved into my new apartment today and things couldn't have gone smoother. I genuinely wish that I always remember to be as awesome as the following people:
*Kara Ohhhhhh, berg.

If someone helps you lift even one box of the contents of your life, you should be thankful. Should the goodness of life be measured by the people who are willing to load a box of your shit into a truck? I don't know.  But I feel really lucky to know some truly great people.  

After moving the last of my belongings into my new space, I grabbed lunch and ice cream with my girl and came back to crack a few beers with my new roommates on the back porch. Sam Adams Octoberfest is a good reason to stick around Boston in the fall. While enjoying whatever breeze we could catch, my new roomie got a call saying he got a freaking fantastic new job, and excitedly stood up saying, "I should call someone!" We suggested his parents, and he agreed. The very least we can do for our parents is keep them at the top of the list for good news calls.  

I left the back porch for his calling area and moved to my room to unpack and organize. While rocking out a bit to the Satellite radio, Modest Mouse came on and I happily opened boxes to "Float On" thinking that the mood, the song, the vibe, was alright.