Have you ever noticed how many birds are at the airport? Sparrows are always at airports as they tend to be anywhere with high ceilings (mall food courts should really have something called sbparrow--am I right, ladies?... cough). There was that whole Canadian Goose in a jet engine fiasco, and I once saw a bunch of pigeons walking around all the seats at my departure gate at JFK like they were waiting to head to Boca.
This concerns me. I can't get my deodorant through a carry-on screening, but the birds are free to fly. Also, carrier pigeons are like a REAL THING. How do we know these birds aren't up to something? I can't go past a checkpoint without being stopped, but no one questions the birds who breeze right by.
Just had this phone conversation with my sister who's at the airport:
Brina: They made me put all my bags into one bag.
Me: That's annoying.
Brina: Maybe next time I'll train a bird to fly through with my carry-on.
Me: At least your toiletries.
Brina: Pardon? Ooh, no, that's not my bag. I believe it belongs to the bird.
Me: But seriously, terrorists could train those birds. Don't say "terrorist" at the airport!
Me: [Whispering in a panic] Don't say terrorist at the airport. I was worried you were going to repeat what I said.
Brina: Why are you whispering?
I get nervous about Big Brother. And birds. And baggage fees.
Jessica Martin grew up on her family’s farm in Brockport, New York. She spent her formative years talking to herself in the mirror and memorizing lines from Full House episodes. She graduated from Syracuse University with a degree in Television, Radio and Film and that proved to be worthwhile in that she still enjoys all of those things. After living in San Francisco, New York, and Boston, Jessica has learned the importance of light layers, irony, and remembering how people take their coffee.
A fortune cookie once told her that she finds beauty in ordinary things, and she liked this. But then another fortune cookie told her that she liked horse racing and gambling, but not to excess, so she’s not entirely sure what to believe. She sort of thinks fortune cookies should stop pretending they know her so well.
Open-Eyed Sneeze is her first book.