Thursday, May 26, 2011

Open-Eyed Sneeze NYC Launch!

The book launch in New York was a great success thanks to my sisters, my family, my girl, and the incredibly supportive people who braved the pouring rain to come to Tribeca to hear a first-time author read for a few minutes. It was pretty much the coolest thing to ever happen in my professional life-- particularly considering I don't actually have a professional life.

To all the people who were at the event, I know this seems sudden, but I'm madly in love with you. Thanks so much for the encouragement and for making it a really fun night!

With all that said, I nearly missed the entire thing.

My sister Sabrina is a master organizer and had the evening planned out to the minute. She arranged for a car service to pick us up in Queens at 4:30 (champagne toast at her apartment at 4:15) giving us more than enough time to beat traffic and set things up at the venue. With the downpour and city traffic, I sat sweating in the back of the car as Brina turned around every 10 minutes saying, "We're going to be late." Noticing that I was growing more and more panicked as our car barely crept, Nessa made fun of me relentlessly. Chewing her gum in a way she knew would annoy me, and using a voice that she assumed would do the same, she foofed her hair and said, "Gonna be late, Jess? Late to the launch? You might miss it. Might miss the big launch."

It was not helpful.

Anyway, we made it, people came, books sold, success!

Thanks again everyone!
The Boston Event is scheduled for Tuesday June 7th 5:00-7:00 PM. If you're in the area, save the date!

Saturday, May 21, 2011


Michael: You can't chew gum in here.
Me: It's not gum, it's a mint.
Michael: Oh, it smells good. What flavor is it?
Me: Um... Mint.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

The Best Game Since Hat or Hair.

The rules for Hat or Hair can be found here but What Would You Buy Me? is just as easily explained.

Window shopping is always more fun when playing a quick round of, What Would You Buy Me?

Monday, May 09, 2011

You Don't Understand My Music.

I was on the T this morning and overheard a conversation between two strangers. The man who started the conversation was clearly drunk and the guy going along with the whole thing was incredibly patient. We'll call him Bill. Here's how it went:

Drunk guy: I'm a musician too, man.
Bill: Oh yeah? What do you play?
Drunk Guy: Awww, man! Rock & Roll, Jazz Fusion, R&B.
Bill: That's great.
Drunk Guy: [Closes his eyes and starts singing. Horribly. Slowly. Each word of his made up song is 35 beats and at least five different key changes. Everyone on the train turns to look at him.]

After a few minutes of singing a song called "Stay in my corner" (those were the only words) Bill smiled and said to the man, "You have a very nice voice."

Opening his eyes wide with annoyance, the drunk guy replied, "Man, I'm a drummer!"

Friday, May 06, 2011

I Always Route For The Underdog.

I had a waitress at Waffle House once who was wearing a button that said, "I'm #2."
I loved it so much I sort of adopted it as a mantra.

Anyway, my book is in the bookstore window and its location could not be any more perfect.
I love my life.

Thursday, May 05, 2011


I've been seeing a lot of unicycle riders around town lately. What's that about?

It's obviously not a more convenient form of travel and honestly, it's just a little too showy for my taste. It's like screaming, "Hey! Look what I can do!" everywhere you go. People who can juggle don't walk down the street juggling. When I see people on unicycles I find myself rolling my eyes and then waiting for them to get to some sort of hill.

My friend said she saw a guy locking his unicycle to a bike rack. Really, unicycle guy? You think someone who also knows how to ride a unicycle is going to steal your wheel?
What would that getaway look like?

"Hey! Stop him! He stole my Uni!"
"What's that?
"My unicycle! Stop him!"
"You could probably just go walk over and ask him to give it back. He's not going very fast."

I'd like to see a chase scene between a unicycle, a pogo-stick, someone wearing moon shoes, and a guy on one of those little butt scooters that we used to use in gym class. And when the person wearing moon shoes gets away, this is how the scene ends:

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Book For Sale!

Well, it's official! Open-Eyed Sneeze can now be found on bookstore (singular) shelf, and is available for sale on the interwebs. Here is the link to buy the book!

Boston people, save on shipping and head to the Harvard Book Store to pick up your copy! Or, write me and I can get you one. I know a guy.

After May 18th, I will also be selling copies of the book through this blog via completely secure PayPal.

Options abound!

I posted the news about the book being available last night on Facebook, and the response from friends from my hometown was awesome. That town deserves its own shout out, and that's coming soon, but I have to say, Brockport is good people. Even when people leave and start lives in other places, something stays with them from that town. And we all know what it is.
It's the extreme desire to have a Wegmans.

Anyway, when I called to tell my mom that Sarah Schram was the first person ever to purchase my book, she started laughing with excitement and then burst out crying. My sisters had similar freak out responses. I love that my whole family knows the people who are buying my book by name. Score one, little indie press.

So, it's a really fun time for my first book! Read it! Tell a friend! Stretch!

(That doesn't relate, it's just really important to stretch.)

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Thanks, Gram.

For the purposes of this post, it's important to note that my grandma Lorraine is the cutest person ever and I love her like crazy. Whenever we talk on the phone she asks how Mer is doing and gets excited for her when she has exciting things happening. When I told her about Mer's fellowship she said, "Oooooooooh, that sounds nice!" She's sort of ridiculously amazing.

I never know how grandparents will respond to the whole girlfriend thing. When we had Easter dinner at my friend Jane's house last week, I introduced myself to Jane's grandma and casually said, "And this is my girlfriend, Meredith." I thought, well, if she's not down with the gays, maybe she'll think I just mean my friend, and then we can all enjoy ham. But this was her response:

"Oh, one of my best friends when I was young was a Transvestite and I wrote a book about her. You'll sit next to me for dinner."

Grandparents deserve more credit than they're given.

Anyway, a card arrived the other day and saying that I had trouble opening it is an extreme understatement. A recap:

The fact that she included Mer was pretty much the best thing ever. I love you, Gram!