Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Gonna go try to be a writer.

I wrote a post about growing up in a small town on the plane--with the old woman sitting next to me reading it, which I decided to ignore until she said, "this is nice, what's it for?" It was the first time a person sitting next to me had admitted they were reading what I was working on, or looking at my magazine, or whatever. Her honesty was refreshing, but obviously I couldn't keep writing that way so I said "just bored" and closed my computer. Thanks.
So i'll spare you that read over post about the wonders and mysteries of places like Brockport and just say that my trip home was fantastic. I was back east for 2 weddings, my cousin on my dad's side and my lifelong friend Beth's, so the combo of the 2 offered a chance to see family and friends I haven't seen in years. Normally, I really wouldn't be all about this because when I run into people I haven't seen in awhile they tend to tell me the stories I'd rather not hear, "Hey, remember when you threw up your slush-puppy all over lunch? God, that was horrible, OK bye."
But my friends from high school are still so effing funny. Something happened to that tegdirb post I put up but i have to state again for the record that Bridget Quinn is the funniest person I know. Hands down.
At the rehearsal dinner Leanne got a call and announced that her friend from college had just won $750,000 on Deal or No Deal to which I burst out laughing, i don't know why, it just struck me as so funny. So i got to talking to Jenna Sime and she said she had gone to the Price is Right and her friend got on. This was totally awesome to me and I picked her brain. Hot tips, for you, the reader:
They pre-interview and you're more likely to get on if you're with a large group, have a witty t-shirt, or have a crazy outgoing personality. Makes sense. But they ask you your favorite game and you CAN'T say Plinko. (sorry, but that's hilarious). So her friend said the yodel game, and she got on. Gold, Jerry. Also, if you happen to make it to the Showcase Showdown, and one of the prizes is a boat, a boat is $1000/foot. So if it's a 12ft boat, it's $12,000. That's a great tip!
Hung out with Zach who apparently met the love of his life at BurningMan and is moving to SF to be with him. All he kept saying all night was, "Jessica, you're my new best friend and you don't even know it." Which was both funny, and scary.
And it was great to see the fam. Totally lame and simultaneously hilarious, my mom suggested a book reading because they hadn't yet had a chance to read what I've been working on. So everyone gathered in the living room, and my mother asked me to wait in the hall while she introduced me, which of course, I did.
Mom: On Behalf of Lift Bridge Bookstore, I'd like to thank you all for coming out on a Sunday morning, a few of you still in your pj's, including I believe, the author herself, to celebrate the release of Jessica's book. You may recognize her from the Baking window at Bruegger's Bagels, or from that sofa over there, napping. blah blah, and she introduced me. It was actually, sort of great.
So I read a from the book and they seemed to like it so cross your fingers for a girl. I really have to get on the ball with that so I think I'll be taking a break from this little blog thing for a minute. sorry to the one person who reads it.

More Pics.

Hannah's Wedding.

Pictures from my cousin's wedding--one of 2 this past week. Sadly, wherever Sabrina Rae is not, pictures are not, so I'll have to wait on some from Beth's.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Apple Umpkin.

Just got back to Cali from my trip to the farm. Let me say, if one is to return to their country roots, the beginning of fall is the time to do it. I love fall. (Repeat. Draw hearts. Hang Teen-Beat Fall poster over bed.) On the particularly amazing day after Beth's wedding, I forced my mom to take me to the Apple-Umpkin Festival in a town about an hour away. That's right, no P, because "umpkin" is country.
Parking for the festival was a muddy field and the Wyoming, NY police were there to collect the $4 a car. In the event of an emergency the town was totally screwed because the entire police department was directing traffic--all LANE of it. $4 seemed steep for parking in mud but as the sheriff said, "that includes a continuous shuttle to and from the festivities." Now, because I'm a genius I truly pictured a monorail of sorts suspended over these fields and before I could vocalize my respect for modern mass transit in rural America, I looked up to see a line of school buses. Right.
On the drive to Apple-Umpkin my mom and I had placed bets as to what type of booths would be there--fried dough, homemade dish clothes, etc, and when walking through we each got a point for every booth we had correctly guessed.
-Large, completely unnecessary wooden lawn ornaments- 1 point me.
-Wreaths made out of twigs- 1 point mom
-Large, completely unnecessary signs that read, "Home, Happiness, Harmony" or something of the like-1 pt me.
-Blooming onion cart- 1 point mom
-Large, completely unnecessary Sand art tables. (i have a bit of hostility towards crafts.)- 1 point me.
-Native American Jewelry- 1 point mom. She's good. I don't know any Native Americans personally, but somehow word always gets out when booths are being set up and somebody ventures off the Res to sell the feather earrings or dream catcher scrunchies.
Enjoying the best kettle korn i've ever had we came across a pony next to a small sign that read, "$1 Raffle. Win Pony."
Um, yeah, I'm in.
Truthfully people, I'm not a lucky person, but i am one hundred percent certain I will win this pony. It's name is Sox but I'm changing it to Princess Buttercup. The Drawing is on New Years Eve and I can't wait to be out enjoying a bubbly beverage and all of a sudden get the call that I have a pony.
We settled in the music tent after browsing around and listened to the Lost Boys Bluegrass Band who were scheduled to play from 10:30-noon, Noon-2:30, 2:30-5:00. Or, all day. Someone on the Apple Umpkin committee didn't get the memo about saving on printing costs. We Dropped the "P" Bob! We're trying to cut back!
I love bluegrass. I mean, i always think I do but I soon remember how quickly you get sick of it. Remember those big tubes of just sugar? I would always flip out when i saw those and be like, "i love those!" only to realize 3/4's of a tube later that I actually don't love those.
The Lost Boys Bluegrass band was a musical tube of sugar. And I'm pretty sure the lead singer was drunk. She opened one song by asking, "Hey, how many of you have ever had your heart broken?" It should be noted that mostly little kids were on the dance floor, so she received little response. But she pressed on. "And keep yer hands raised if you had your heart broken and then you got real pissed about it" She proceeded to sing an original song called, "Why you crying." 4 minutes into the song I yelled at my mom for a pen so I could write down the lyrics. This is for real.
Why you crying (24x)
I'm not gonna wait
I'm not gonna wait
I'm not gonna wait no more. (3x)
I'm leaving you, I'm walking out the door.
(To be played for 18 minutes, for children)
I think we walked away during the 7th minute, waved goodbye to princess buttercup, and caught a shuttle to the mud to find the car and head home.

Friday, September 15, 2006

potpourri II

I haven't posted in awhile which could have meant one of three things.

A) I wasn't home.
B) I was home but didn't want to post for you.
C) Home, desperately wanted to post for you, but trapped under something heavy.

Anyway, one of my top ten favorite things in life-- yes, in LIFE--is when you put your music on and a perfect song for the moment plays. it's like, oh hello there music supervisor of the cosmos, good pick. I have a great memory when I was riding in the car with michelle (who is hands down the most dangerous driver in the world) in syracuse around christmas and WHAM's "last christmas" came on the radio just as I was getting out at my apartment and michelle goes, "I LOVE this song! get back in and listen!" So she whipped around the icy blocks, driving as an excuse to keep listening and it was sort of great.
So getting ready to jet back east, and the song British Columbia by the Elected was the first song that came on.

She says she's going back home.
Hasn't seen her friends in a while.
Plus British Columbia's real nice this time of year.

Right so I don't live in British Columbia, but whatever. Little things peeps, little things.

And another of my favorite things in LIFE is airport people watching. The Airport is the best place in the world to people watch and this is an argument I feel I can support fully. I always secretly hoped that there would be a reality show called "Super Million Dollar Random Debate-Go!" hosted by Regis which would surprise people on the street, or say, departure gates, and ask them to debate a really smart prep-school debate team champion on various subjects, and one time when the topic was "airports: the best places in the world to people watch" I would be pro and win. OK, that's not actually a secret desire I've always had...but now it is.

I think I will get apple juice when the beverage cart rolls by. I could do without apple juice every other day of my life, but put me a few thousand feet in the air and it sounds so refreshing.

Please don't let the person sitting next to me be a talker, loud breather, loud chewer, or a baby. exception: a baby who is a talker. That would be awesome.

Grill and chill on the deck? Yes please.

you've been together what? three weeks?
a month. how did you know that?
you take someone to the airport it's clearly the beginning of a relationship. That's why I have never taken anyone to the airport at the beginning of a relationship. Because eventually things move on and you don't take someone to the airport, and I never wanted anyone to say to me, "How come you never take me to the airport anymore?"

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Could I speak to a human please?

Every month when I call to pay my cell phone bill I'm reminded how much I hate talking to automated people. First, their voices freak me out. My parents used to have an answering machine and the woman had the scariest, deepest voice, so if I was ever home alone I would run to answer the phone so that I wouldn't have to hear her.
Second, they don't listen for shit. T-mobile has taken away the press button options, 1 for english, 2 for pay a bill, and now requires you to tell the robot woman what you'd like to do. Which is basically a system that they've worked out to make you feel like a jerk, yelling two-word commands phonetically into the phone.
"I'm sorry I couldn't hear you"
"Sorry, didn't get that either. What can I help you with today?"
"I think you said, check your minutes. Is that Correct?"
"Sure, making a payment, I can help you with that."
It's completely unfair that the costumer is reduced to caveman but computer generated voice lady can have full use of language and dialogue.
I swear to you this is true. One time I called to make a payment and she was like, "would you like to hear your balance first?" and I said yes, like 30 times, and she comes back laughing, I SWEAR, saying, "You don't have a balance right now, haha, but would you still like to make a payment? haha."
I took the phone away from my face and stared at it thinking, is this fake person making fun of me? I was honesty so pissed until I realized, there was no one to be pissed at.
So today was a real treat, trying for 15 minutes to say my credit card number fast enough to fit into the time limit, slow enough for her to understand, until the 6th time through I go, "Are you kidding me?!" and she goes, "Sure. I'll connect you with the operator."
It was like that moment that people lean against a wall and a secret door appears (that actually happens a lot more often than you might think). So from now on, the moment she asks me the language I'd like her to not hear me in, I'm just going to say that and speak with a human directly.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Sorry, Who Didn't See This Coming?

Steve Irwin AKA The Crocodile Hunter, was killed by a stingray while filming in Australia.
Listen, death is never funny, and he had a family so this is obviously upsetting for them, but have you ever seen this guy? One of the first times I saw Crocodile Hunter he was wrestling a 13ft croc, and I thought, well, in the realm of ideas this falls under not so great.
Did anyone ever see that picture when he brought his newborn child into a croc pit at one of his zoos? The press gave Michael Jackson a hard time for holding Blanket over a balcony but when Crocodile Hunter puts a baby near a deadly creature everyone laughs. Oh, he's fearless! Or maybe people, he's crazy.
He did a lot for wildlife and zoos, but I believe he was also the reason for shows like "Jackass" so that might negate any good he did for nature. Not to knock a brother when he's down but honestly, if a man were paid large sums of money to stick forks in electrical sockets and then one day died as a result, you might be inclined to shrug your shoulders and say, "well, yea."