Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Could I speak to a human please?

Every month when I call to pay my cell phone bill I'm reminded how much I hate talking to automated people. First, their voices freak me out. My parents used to have an answering machine and the woman had the scariest, deepest voice, so if I was ever home alone I would run to answer the phone so that I wouldn't have to hear her.
Second, they don't listen for shit. T-mobile has taken away the press button options, 1 for english, 2 for pay a bill, and now requires you to tell the robot woman what you'd like to do. Which is basically a system that they've worked out to make you feel like a jerk, yelling two-word commands phonetically into the phone.
"PAY BILL."
"I'm sorry I couldn't hear you"
"MAKE PAY-MENT"
"Sorry, didn't get that either. What can I help you with today?"
"TRY LIS-EN-ING!"
"I think you said, check your minutes. Is that Correct?"
"I HATE YOU."
"Sure, making a payment, I can help you with that."
It's completely unfair that the costumer is reduced to caveman but computer generated voice lady can have full use of language and dialogue.
I swear to you this is true. One time I called to make a payment and she was like, "would you like to hear your balance first?" and I said yes, like 30 times, and she comes back laughing, I SWEAR, saying, "You don't have a balance right now, haha, but would you still like to make a payment? haha."
I took the phone away from my face and stared at it thinking, is this fake person making fun of me? I was honesty so pissed until I realized, there was no one to be pissed at.
So today was a real treat, trying for 15 minutes to say my credit card number fast enough to fit into the time limit, slow enough for her to understand, until the 6th time through I go, "Are you kidding me?!" and she goes, "Sure. I'll connect you with the operator."
It was like that moment that people lean against a wall and a secret door appears (that actually happens a lot more often than you might think). So from now on, the moment she asks me the language I'd like her to not hear me in, I'm just going to say that and speak with a human directly.

3 comments:

juliet said...

i'm in brooklyn. and you're still funny.

Brina said...

Matt has already figured out that if you just yell nonsense into the phone four times they connect you to an operator. Try it. It's funny and cathartic at the same time. You can say whatever you want!

Jess said...

juliet. you're so east coast. have you changed the hand symbol yet for pictures and gang related activities? it's merely a turn of the wrist.
if i'm in astoria, i'll holla.
no... sleep..til...well, whatever.