Monday, February 23, 2009

I Don't Get It.

Just a few of my current sources of confusion.

*The Sunday Styles section of the NYT included an article about a new club in LA and described the dress code as "Depression dominatrix." "Bowler hats, suspenders, vintage that sparkles. 'No coat or tie,' said John Terzian, an owner. 'You just have to look right.'"

How does that Saturday night conversation go?
-How do I look?
-You like like an idiot.
-Perfect. Oh snap, can't forget my whip and my "Need Work" sandwich board.

*Soulja Boy's latest song is called "Kiss Me Thru The Phone." If this isn't about some new emoticon, he should really throw in a few lines about how embarrassing it is to contact your wireless provider after you've swallowed your SIM card.

*Gwyneth Paltrow has a lifestyle website called Goop.
So now there's Goop, Gaga. (That's Lady Gaga to you. Because nothing says refined, well-spoken woman quite like Gaga.) GooGoo, Boo, Boo-Boo, Boo hoo, Bah Bah, Ba-haha, and of course, poop. But somehow to use that in any sort of pop-culture reference would be crossing a line.
When an artist with a dance hit named Lady Poop launches a website about organic food and inner peace, I'll check it out.

*Lids has a line of comic book hats with different comic book sound effects on them.

Unless you want complete strangers to yell "Bamf!" at you wherever you go, why would you ever buy this?

Friday, February 20, 2009

Baby Steps.

It's early, but I'm going out on a limb and saying that the word of the year for 2009 will be "Transparency." I hear someone mention it everyday. Although, Merriam-Webster's Word of the Year in 2007 was "woot" so what do I know?

w00t (interjection)
expressing joy; similar in use to the word "yay"
w00t! I won the contest!

In these times of uncertainty following an era of secrecy and shady deals, Transparency is the amazing out-of-town guest we can't wait to introduce to everyone.

"Transparency! So glad to see you! I don't think you know Wall Street or any of the major banks."
"No, I don't believe I do."
"Have you met Government? Local, State, Federal?"
"Perhaps briefly. Did I see you under oath that one time?"
"You'll have to excuse Big Business. He really wants nothing to do with you."
"I get it. That whole, 'You don't want to know how your sausage is made' kind of thing?"

I'm always hopeful when Obama talks about transparency for the stimulus. It's just a good idea to put the truth out there. Plus, it benefits everyone to know how, where, and when the BILLIONS of dollars are spent. is the website meant to be the "centerpiece" of the effort for transparency and accountability. Woot! Transparency! Woot! Accountability! These a big words! So what do they mean exactly?

So far, this is the money info we have on

OK, well it's a nice chart. To the point. I'd like to learn more and conveniently, there's a "Learn more" link which brings me to this:

Hmm, this information seems vaguely familiar.

And maybe it's just me but I'm usually worried by an "Other" category. 8 billion dollars for "Other." Is "Other" party supplies? Because that'd be a lot.

This is the first effort to ever do anything like this so I'm willing to give time. But fingers crossed that the next installment of transparency isn't just these same numbers in a pie chart and pictograph. OK, just kidding. I love pictographs.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Don't Let A Cheese Hit Me.

The Amazing Race never disappoints. I'm sort of obsessed with it for three reasons.

1) Travel turns people into the truest versions of themselves.

2) Whenever I'm lost I like to pretend that I'm on the show. And I'm pretty horrible with directions so I get to do this a lot. Once when attending a friend's wedding outside of Vancouver I was so terribly lost and thought I might miss the whole thing so I basically stopped and asked every person in BC for directions. One woman ran over to me, poked her head into the car to look in the backseat and asked with excitement, "Is this for The Amazing Race?!" I was so upset at the time I was like, "No!" but deep down I was like, "Unofficially, yes. Yes it is."

3) The show explores what I think is the fundamental question faced by humans in every culture: How should we waste our time? I love that every country, small town, or village has their own answer.

The premiere episode of season 14 aired last night and the contestants were given the task of bringing 200 pounds of cheese down a steep hill. Why the cheese makers don't store the cheese at the bottom of the hill to begin with was not discussed. However, I was pleased to learn that the combination of cheese wheels and steep hills should be added to the list of things I find amusing.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

You See?!

I deleted the original post I wrote explaining my history with wild animal sightings because I got tired of people making fun of me. But here's a rundown if you're unfamiliar:

- Two summers ago, while eating breakfast on the deck at my parents' house, I saw what I thought was a mountain lion in the apple orchard. I alerted everyone at the table and as the large cat came closer to the house, I yelled for everyone to run inside. I had also read just days before about a bear sighting in the area, and might have yelled something about that too. People enjoyed pointing out that there are no mountains around my parents' house and it was determined that the mountain lion was a feral cat. Everyone made fun of me.

- Months later, while driving around Letchworth State Park, I was convinced I saw a monkey riding on the back of a motorcycle. Aware that I already had one strike against me with the mountain lion, I debated not saying anything. However, I was so sure that I had seen a monkey and that the sighting would vindicate me, I shouted it out and demanded that we turn around to follow the motorcycle. It turns out it was a grown man riding around with a stuffed orangutan on the back of his bike. Everyone made fun of me. To be fair though, who the hell does that?

-Months later, on my way home from a trip to Boston, I was one of only two cars parked at a rest stop on the thruway. Standing outside of the car drinking a coffee and stretching, I saw something moving in the distance. Squinting to make it out, I noticed that it was quickly running in my direction. It was super fast and coming right at me and I knew I wouldn't have enough time to get in the car. I debated jumping on the hood of the car, but I froze with fear and just stood there as the large cat with its giant tail ran right past me. After it happened I got in the car and could only laugh because I knew no one was going to believe me. I called my mother and even she said, "Ooh, was it a tiger, Jess?" I later received numerous emails with the subject line, "Was this the cat?" which included pictures like this.

So anyway, I was thrilled today to hear about the sightings and recent capture of a bobcat on Staten Island. A bobcat. Staten Island. Who's laughing now, fools?

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Back In The Vault, Ariel.

In yet another sign of the crumbling economy, Brooks Barnes writes in the NYT that the Walt Disney Company has decided to change its DVD business model. Could it be an end to The Vault?

With overcrowding and significant increases in costs for food and medical coverage, Disney can no longer afford to adequately care for the characters in The Vault. Disney's vault system, releasing characters for a limited time and then locking them away for 7 to 10 years, has drawn sharp criticism from rights groups and children wanting to watch a digitally remastered Pocahontas while they're still young enough to enjoy it.

During her 2007 release, Cinderella sat down for an exclusive interview with Lisa Ling to speak out against the conditions. She claimed characters were not properly monitored and that the cast of The Lion King had eaten most of the members of The Jungle Book and at least 32 Dalmatians. She also accused Disney of not providing Quasimodo with proper physical therapy and said Sleeping Beauty had been subjected to numerous tests for drug companies, namely, Ambien. When reached for comment, Disney sent a letter written by Pinocchio saying that he loved The Vault. Pressed for video showing Pinocchio reading his statement, Disney declined.

With the possible release of all the characters due to lacking funds, employment experts stress that this may be a difficult time for them. "The job market is tight right now and a lot of these characters lack employable skills. I'm afraid being able to talk to animals, or actually being an animal, isn't what companies are looking for in a recession. Most of them will probably end up on reality shows."

But according to Barnes' article, Disney won't be letting anyone loose before their scheduled release. The company simply wants to produce fewer discs and change packaging to cut costs.

Activist protests are anticipated in Orlando and Anaheim.

Monday, February 02, 2009

A Three Million Dollar Lesson.

If Super Bowl commercials have taught me anything, it's that watching horses fall in love does not make me want a beer.