Monday, August 25, 2008

Ten Things To Do Before London 2012.

Well, the Olympic Games were fantastic. A 17-day exercise in having my mind blown. It all started at the Opening Ceremony where we played my new favorite game, "Are People Under Those Boxes?" (Note: My old favorite game "Hat or Hair?" is still a classic and the rules are simple. When someone with large hair or a furry type hat walks by, ask, "Hat or Hair?" The answer never really matters. If you're bright enough to ask, you win.) In China, it seems that the answer to the "Are people under Those Boxes?" question is always yes. People were under everything during that ceremony. Chinese people are the Russian Dolls of people. No country will ever top that ceremony. Ever. The organizers for London's Opening Event should just blare The Clash throughout the stadium and have Harry Potter sitting in a spotlight eating fish and chips, because to put any more effort into it would be silly.

The mind-blowing continued throughout the Games. This is a small list.

*Synchronized swimming. Did you see this?!! I mean, seriously, it's not human. Absolutely amazing considering the sport was invented at a fourth-grader's pool party after everyone got sick of making a whirlpool.

*Ping Pong (mainly because the athletes had to chase after their own balls showing the world that if it's played in your parents' garage or at the Olympics, the game doesn't change)

*The Weightlifting event I watched where the announcer described the weight one man was lifting like this: "Go grab the family next door, put the husband, the wife, the kids, all on a bar and then throw it over your head."

*All things Phelps. The kid's insane. Michael Phelps was declared a national hero, the most popular person in the world, the greatest athlete of all time, Employee of the Month, Miss America 2009, and Bob Costas went on record saying he was in love with him. I also enjoyed the personal life piece NBC put together that showed Phelps sleeping with his dog before getting up and eating cereal, playing Guitar Hero, and going to a Chinese buffet by himself. People, if that's the formula then I should be the greatest Olympian in the history of the universe.

* And two former SU rowers won medals for their countries! This one is huge. Anna Goodale brought home Gold for America and Helen Tanger gave the Netherlands Silver. When we used to run stairs for crew I remember Helen sprinting around the Dome yelling, "Two at a time for strength!" as I ran one at a time. It helps explain why she's an Olympic Silver medalist and why I seriously debated buying one of these things for my apartment.

But if I want to make it to the 2012 games as an athlete, I have to get my act together. By then I'll be 30, and that seems like my last chance, unless I want to do something like shooting because that sport's motto seems to imply that age doesn't matter. "Got A Finger? Then You Can Shoot!" (I forgot that shooting was an Olympic game but then I remembered the Winter event where people cross-country ski and stop occasionally to shoot at things. Makes sense. Because when I think skiing, I think, bring the gun.) So here's my list of things to do before 2012.

1) Stretch.
2) Research Rhythmic Gymnastic Supply Stores
3) Buy Ribbon on a stick
4) Buy leotard
5) Shuffle through ipod for ultimate floor routine song. (Note to self: Revisit Baha Men)
6) Practice waving ribbon on a stick
7) Eat Cereal
8) Play Guitar Hero
9) Eat 12,000 calories a day at Chinese buffet
10) Stretch. I know I said it twice, but it really is important.


Anonymous said...

HAHAHA!! You are SO funny! I love this post! There is nothing I want to see more than you, in a leotard, waving a stick, while running up 2 stairs at a time.

And I will personally front the first $50 for your stair chair if your Olympic plan falls through. Will anyone else join me?

Jess said...

thanks bri. practice is on sunday. feel free to stop by.

Macnabbs said...

After a spectacular games and an astounding handover (that wasn’t ‘whole lotta love, that was a seismic event – you could see every Chinese person in the stadium thinking ‘what the f…’ as the GB response to opera, synchronised drumming, acrobats and fireworks was a raised-from-the-dead rock legend and arguably the greatest guitar riff in history) excitement is at fever pitch in London about 2012.

And in truth it always has been. Scary Olympic fact for you? I know couples who have timed their breeding cycles to produce children to be the right age to go to the right schools that will be picked to participate in the opening ceremony.

They don’t half get angry when you innocently say ‘yes…but there is the aesthetic question’ with a nod to their kid with the ears.