Tuesday, January 05, 2010

And Don't Forget Your Booties.

"'Cause it's coooold out there today!"
"It's coooold out there everyday. What is this, Miami Beach?"
"Not hardly."

When my alarm went off at 5:30 in the morning the other day, I had already been awake for 2 hours listening to the wind.  Actually, to call it "wind" is a gross understatement.  It sounded like Mother Nature, Old Man Winter, and Death had all gathered right outside my window to blow out the trick candles on their joint birthday cake. It was loud, and scary, and just sounded cold. Can something sound cold? Yes. It can. If bitterly cold had an album, the sound of the wind that morning would be the bonus track.  

So the 5:30 alarm was by no means a wake-up. It just signaled that I had to leave my ridiculously comfortable bed and get ready for work. But on cold mornings, anything you do besides staying in bed seems asinine.
[Throw back blanket and comforter].
Mind: Why are you doing that?
[Sit up].
Mind: Well this seems silly.
[Get out of bed].
Mind: I sincerely hope you're just going to the bathroom and then getting right back in here.
[Take shower].
Mind: Do you have any idea how cold you're going to be when you get out of this shower?!
[Get dressed].
Mind: Don't do it you idiot! 

It's this duality of "I have to go to work" involuntary actions and "But it's really effing cold out" mindset that causes me to whimper throughout my morning routine. It's not until I walk out the door and that first burst of cold air hits me that my mind and body can agree on one cohesive thought. Namely, "Fuck."

I have a friend that says, "I LOVE the cold!" whenever someone mentions the cold, and I've tried to take this on as a mantra of sorts. So let me set the scene for you:

Still in the darkness of the early morning, I left my apartment to face the wind and snow--so much snow in fact, that I had no choice but to walk in the middle of the road like a crazy person.  Screaming, "I LOVE the cold!" over and over to myself as the freezing winter pounded my face, I hustled past the snow plows nearly running me over as I used the urban glide.
After about 3-minutes of this, I crossed paths with a woman doing exactly the same thing.  She didn't have a mantra, she was just screaming, "GAH!" (also a go-to classic) and she was running more than sliding, but same basic idea. With the snow and wind blowing all around us, we looked up for a second to catch the situation and both keeled over laughing in the middle of the road. Really. It was one of those What are we doing? moments that leaves you no option other than: Laugh with stranger.

I love the cold.


MFB said...

another great movie. good call, and more apt than the Horace quote... i'd like to see a demonstration of this walk, ps. with that and the in-person version of your mariah dancealong, you have your work cut out for you. just making sure you don't forget :)

Jess said...

who is this?

MFB said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Jess said...

"Their chapped lips, right."

I can, and will, quote that entire movie.

Fun trivia: I've had entire conversations with my father using only lines from Groundhog Day.

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