Oh...hello.

So I've been sneaking into work a little later than usual to avoid seeing Laurentiu on his way out. Some might argue that this is immature. I'm simply trying to sidestep an undoubtedly awkward situation for us both. Like running into someone after a random hookup. It's just better for both parties and the elephant in the room if enough time passes so as to pretend it never happened. Particularly for me, so I don't say something like, "yup, we're were kind of engaged there for a second, huh?"
Avoidance and selective memory are the pinnacle of maturity. And also, carrying a check book. Who does that?

I was pleased upon entering to see only Fes. It was a first. Every other day I literally hide to avoid him. He's a mini-bar attendant (a miniature bartender, if you will) who insists on talking to me nonstop even though I can't understand a word he says. It's a mixture of soft-talking, mumbling, and non-English that leaves me screaming at him in my head while forcing a smile on my face. I thought I actually understood him say my name once. It turned out he was saying pasta. But I digress.
So Fes was talking about shoelaces, or cashews, or political reform, ( I like to think it was a combo of the three) and in walks Laurentiu. Shit. Ok, j, play it cool.
I was hoping to avoid you forever.
Don't say that.
We almost got married!
No, not that either.
"Hey." Nice.
"Hello, Jessica." Followed by 25 minutes of silence. Honestly. His shift was over at 3 and he stayed until 3:30 not saying anything.
Finally he says, "So, Jessica, do you not have maybe a friend who will marry me?"
What?! This kid has platinum balls!
"Oh man, kid. You have platinum balls."
LT: Sorry?
Me: Nothing.
Fes: You need wine glasses?
Me: What? No, I'm not talking to you Fes, thank you.
Fes: Cashews.
LT: You can think of no one?
Me: Um, no not really.

So with this he goes into the whole pitch--AGAIN. I thought this was over!! It's like a telemarketer pushing magazines who you've already said no to, shows up at your place of employment to sell you the thing you have no intention of buying. And I was doing everything in my power to avoid the metaphorical Cat Fancy subscription.
And that doesn't even make sense. I just wanted an excuse to say Cat Fancy.
(Note: domestic cats would only be cool if they wore pants and walked on their hind legs at all times. I think we can all agree on that. talk about fancy.) But I digress.
He went on to say, "I know you. They say, what this girl likes to wear? I say, the sneakers. They say, what this girl likes to eat? I say, the cereals."
I had to laugh. You know that scene in When Harry Met Sally when he rushes to find her on New Year's Eve to tell her all the things he loves about her? The was my own sad little Romanian version of that.
I love that you likes the converse! I love that you likes the corn pops! And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here today, because I was scheduled to work 7-3. But also, because when you realize your Visa has expired and you will be deported unless you spend the rest of your life with someone, (but really, 6-12 months, tops) you want to take fake relationship pictures and get married in Vegas and interviewed by INS, as soon as possible.