Oh. My. God.

Where do i EVEN begin?

Let me preface this by saying that the thread that weaves the events of my days together to form my life, is absurdity. Everyone who knows me, knows this. I am confounded, dumbfounded, and surrounded by absurd situations--all the time.

OK, with that said...
Go into work yesterday, chatting with this kid Laurentiu, hella-cool, wicked smart--speaks 5 languages, was an engineer in Italy, and now waits tables in America.
So we're talking, and he's like, "Jessica, I need to ask you something."
For the record: i HATE when people say things like that. It's like begging my imagination to run wild.
-ok, shoot.
-Well, I can't ask you now, at work.
-um, ok.
-But I'd like to ask you...well, when do you have time to talk?
-Hi? have we met? I have about 8 hours, starting now.
So he goes on to say that he's scared of HR and doesn't want to embarrass me and can't talk about it now, can we meet up later and talk. I should mention that there's a little bit of a language problem, and he kept saying things like, 'meet in public places' to, 'eat the foods, or drink the drinks.'
At this point I have an exaggerated look of confusion on my face and I'm thinking, ok, this kid is not trying to ask me out. But having no ability to repremand my inner child and needing to say things the moment i think them, i go, "sorry, you're not asking me out, right? Cuz I'm gay."
I waited a moment, and actually saw the successful translation in his facial expression, and he's like, "no shit? ok ok. ok, this is, uhhh, super."
So we start laughing even though I still have no idea what he's talking about and i'm like, so what's up?
-Well, it's about business.
-Room Service?
-Nonono, a business between you and me.
-We have a business?
-Well, yes. we could. and it could be very good for us both.
-ok, is this business legal?
-....well, yes.

Note: I watched 'Maria Full of Grace' the other night, so at this point i'm pretty sure he wants to use me as a drug mule to ship cocaine to and from Latin America. But he's from Romania, so that didn't make much sense.

So for 45 minutes this back and fourth continued.
All aboard the Vague-Train!! We'll be making stops...later...at certain destinations...I guess...
Finally I'm like, OK, you're killing me--what are we talking about?!

And with this my friends,
He sits down on a box of Large Evians,
looks up at me and says,
Jessica, I'd like to ask you to marry me.

I'll give you a second with that.
To be continued...