This Could Save Your Life.

Just got a mass email from Michelle about a scam where people try to sell you perfume but it's really ether, and when you sniff it, they steal all your belongings. The same thing actually happened to me at the Saks perfume counter. And when I came to, I was naked and had to open an account to charge a new outfit just so I could walk out of the store.
Come on people!!!
If I receive one more mass fwd about how to protect myself from rapists, kidnappers, or identify theft, I'm going to attack someone--and chances are, if you have a ponytail, it will be you. What happened to the 'hey' email? Now it's all, 'Here are ways you could potentially die, thought you should know."
I have a feeling Karla has read a few too many of these emails. Whenever it's dark, she gets her keys out and puts the biggest one between her ring and middle finger. "This will let them know I mean business." Right. Key in the finger. I hear that's what all the insurgents in Iraq are using. The Ace Hardware In Baghdad is making a mint on copies alone.
I've said this before, but I really think the best self-defense can be learned from a precocious child. Not only is it most effective, it is also perhaps, the funniest thing in the world. We call it, Dead Weight.
I was reminded of said technique the other day on the train when a 5-year old was standing with her grandmother. In the stops leading up to theirs the grandma would say, "Almost our stop, get ready." But the child was enjoying the ride and made clear with shakes of the head that she had no intention of getting off.
When the doors opened at their stop, the old lady took the child's hand, made a move for the exit, and the child collapsed. The woman started yelling at the child in Chinese and now took both hands trying to lift her like a sack of potatoes. Nothing but a bobbing motion. The girl just lay there with a faint smile and her eyes closed as her grandmother tried dragging her off the train. It should be noted that closing one's eyes is imperative in that it gives the illusion of death.
The doors were beeping and realizing the urgency, the old lady tried running a little bit, still yelling, and dragging this child down the stairs, the heightened sound effect of lifeless feet hitting each one. When the train rolled away the little girl was lying on the street, eyes squeezed shut, with a huge grin.
Had it not been for the smile, this would have been textbook. If you're ever in trouble, just go deadweight. Your whole body as a boiled noodle. Fall to the ground and just flop around if people try to move you. Actually, this might not work for identity theft, but neither will a freakin key.