So this happened:
-Hey, can I get three chicken souvlaki pitas to go with roasted potatoes and a greek salad?
-3 pitas with potatoes and 1 greek salad. Anything else?
-Actually, a greek salad for all three pitas. Roasted potatoes and a greek salad for each pita.
-You want potatoes and a salad with all of them?
-Yeah, thanks.
-But the pitas only come with one side.
-That's fine.
-So which do you want?
-Both. For all three.
-But you can only have one side.
-Right, I get that. Sorry. This is kind of funny. [girl not laughing.] So it's 3 pitas with a side of potatoes and then 3 side salads.
-I'll have to charge you for the salads.
-I understand that.
-OK. 3 pitas each with potatoes as a side and 3 salads but not as the sides.
-Wait, what? Now I'm confused. I do want side salads. Did you say that?
-But not as your sides. I'm charging you extra.
-Right, OK.
-And did you want roasted potatoes for all 3 pitas because they actually come with french fries.
And then my head exploded.
About the Author
- Jess
- Jessica Martin grew up on her family’s farm in Brockport, New York. She spent her formative years talking to herself in the mirror and memorizing lines from Full House episodes. She graduated from Syracuse University with a degree in Television, Radio and Film and that proved to be worthwhile in that she still enjoys all of those things. After living in San Francisco, New York, and Boston, Jessica has learned the importance of light layers, irony, and remembering how people take their coffee. A fortune cookie once told her that she finds beauty in ordinary things, and she liked this. But then another fortune cookie told her that she liked horse racing and gambling, but not to excess, so she’s not entirely sure what to believe. She sort of thinks fortune cookies should stop pretending they know her so well. Open-Eyed Sneeze is her first book.
6 comments:
The Greeks in Astoria would have had your back! And now you've made me hungry.
I have 3 favorite people in Astoria. 2 are Greek.
1)The old woman who yelled at me every morning because she thought Stella went to the bathroom in front of her house.
-You! Your dog do down there?
-Good morning.
-Ey! Ey! Your dog do down there?! That's my house!
-No ma'am, that wasn't my dog.
-That's my house! (followed by Greek swearing)
2)The old Greek woman who yelled at me to feed Stella.
-Feed that dog!
-OK, good idea.
(a lot of the Greek elderly yell about dogs. and sit in the street in lawn chairs.)
3)The Indian woman at Dunkin Donuts who calls me sir.
-sir! sir! what do you want?
-um, small black coffee and I'm a girl.
ok I lied. 4 favorites.
4)Frank.
-Hi Frank!
-Grrr.
Astoria misses you too Jess!
there is absolutely no greek food in VT- this is a daily source of sorrow for me, as when we went to visit our bff in astoria (!) she had THREE greek places literally 5 feet from her door. unacceptable. theres plenty of space for lawn chairs, and a lot of dogs to yell about, so i dont know what the issue is.
myyyyythossss
and DUDE! how could you not reference WILD THING!
ps. Its hot, im gonna go walk the isles...
No Greek food in the entire state?! Hmm, I smell a mystery. or I smell a gyro. one of the two.
oh, Wild Thing. "Hot enough for ya?"
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