What's In A Name?

My grandma has a friend named Dorkus.
The woman's name is Dorkus.
Say it a few times.
I think it's spelled Dorcas, but with a name like Dorkus, why quibble over spelling?
And people call her Dork for short. I'm not kidding about any of this.

So with that in mind, this is a conversation I had with my parents on Mother's Day:

Mom: We went out for breakfast with Grandma after church and saw Dorkus.
Dad: No we didn't.
Mom: Yes we did. Dorkus was at the restaurant.
Dad: That was Toots.
Mom: Steve, she just called her that to be cute. "Hey, Toots!" Like a nickname.
Me: I thought people called her Dork.
Dad: Dorkus and Toots are two different people.
Me: So what was that other woman's name?
Dad: Toots?
Me: Yeah.
Dad: Her name is Toots.
Me: Dad, Toots isn't a name. It's like calling a guy Brosef. His name isn't actually Brosef.
Dad: Who?
Me: Is Tutz spelled T-U-T-Z or T-O-O-T-S?
Mom: T-O-O-T-S.
Me: Toots? Like toot? That doesn't seem right.
Mom: It's right.
Dad: Toots is short for Ttt...Taa...Tuuu..Whatever. She's not Dorkus.

Glad we cleared that up.