After numerous interviews and TV appearances in which she coyly skirted questions of candidacy, Hillary, the Notorious HRC, has thrown her hat into the ring-- metaphorically, because she looks silly in hats, most politicians do. Even though this was expected, her candidacy is still big news. But here's why most politicians aren't naturally hilarious: they fail to realize that timing...beat...pause...wait for it...is everything.
Politicians are politicians because they fail to understand anything about timing. Government in general tends to be a work in progress so everyone involved has this, "OK, we'll get there when we get there" attitude. Think about it. Think about the Post Office. Think about road repairs. Think about Bill from that Schoolhouse Rock song and all his sitting on Capitol Hill. There's never a rush, unless it's absolutely necessary on a personal level to rush.
Can't you tell when someone is paying for parking at the airport? The greetings are somewhat shorter, bags are pounced upon at baggage claim, and conversation is pushed along with yeah's, uh-huh's, and tell me in the car's.
Enter Hil.
Barack Obama beat her to the punch last week by announcing his plans to run, showing that he knows something about timing. And for each second that passed without Hillary saying anything, that was money out the door. Again, politicians are totally cool with delays that cost money, just as long as it's not their campaign contribution money. Hillary realized her free 30-minute short-term parking had expired so she was all, oh snap, get your effing bags and let's roll.
She posted an announcement on her website that said, "Im in. And I'm in to win."
Whoa, that's strong!
I love the confidence! I love the certainty! I love...how it rhymes.
Now honestly, do you think she actually said this? Do you think she thought it would sit in the same row as historically famous Presidential quotes? I'm in to win? Hillary, this is leader of the free world, not your office Super Bowl pool.
I ran for 8th grade Student Council Treasurer with the slogan, "Jessica for Treasurer. It makes cents." I think I lost, but I would have received more votes that Hillary Rodham and her "In to win" posters had she also run.
But here's my beef with, "And I'm in to win." Who isn't? The lists of declared and potential candidates are huge. And I bet everyone in Congress has dreams of one day being President. "I'm in to win" is America's mantra. Everybody is in to win, duh. Watch 5 seconds of American Idol.
I'm in no position to judge, but some people should add just a little reality to their morning routine and grasp that they might be in it for a bumper sticker keepsake. Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney is a declared Presidential Candidate. Sorry, but with a name like Mitt, you're not in it for anything. Who are we kidding, bro? Just go get your car. They charge by the hour.
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Mock not the Mitt. The world needs its Mitts. Need a lube job? Call Mitt. Dying seconds of the game, scores tied? Need that touchdown to win the game, save the honour of the town and get you out of that damn fool-ass bet you made that if you lost you’d run through town naked and waxed? Pull Mittster off of the bench. Some jobs only a Mitt can do.
With the possible exception of astronaut, those jobs are pretty much limited to jobs that require a pick-up (though isn’t the space shuttle just a glorified pick up? I think they should paint that sucker red and have a couple of hound dogs in the back on take off, with the cargo-bay doors open - that’d make their ears flap!). You don’t mind Mitty opening up your bonnet, but opening up your chest for a heart-bypass? Maybe not.
Has he settled on a bumper sticker yet? May I suggest: ‘Mitt - better than a wumman’, ‘Mitt, why not?’ or ‘Vote drunk, vote often, vote Mitt’.
"Mock Not the Mitt."
That's the bumper sticker.
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