I Had This Idea For A Show.

I've mentioned before that my tendency to watch 'The View' astounds and confuses me. But chances are, if it's 10AM and I'm still in sleep wear, I'll be tuning in for Hot Topics. After said segment, I am left with no choice but to shut off the TV and contemplate the meaning of life.
Can a purposeful existence be found in a world that pays Star Jones to speak?
How are we to find meaning when Elizabeth Hasselback is struggling to squeak out a point about knee-length shorts?
And does any of this matter when we can't even be sure Barbara Walters is speaking English? What did she say? Why does she keep whispering the last 3 words of every sentence? (note: 'of every sentence' to be read aloud in a whisper. go ahead, i'll wait)
But a few days ago, i was actually pleased I had taken a little time to enjoy. After coming back from a commercial break, Star set a somber tone. Taking the hands of her co-hosts and playing footsie with a bucket of KFC popcorn chicken under the table, she spoke with the seriousness doctors reserve for delivering irreversible news as she discussed the changes that lay ahead at The View. In classic Star Jones fashion (wasting time, not making a point) she finally said that she would not be returning next season concluding with, "I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future." This line actually made my eyeballs roll into the recesses of my brain for about 5 minutes.
When Charlie Gibson came out as the guest he goes, "so who holds the future?" and Star goes, "God." And Gibson flatly says, "Oh." It was classic.
But I digress.
So Joy went on to say that she was shocked, Barbara whispered the sound a blender makes, and Hasselback squinted hard thinking of something interesting to say about skorts. But the studio air was thick with awkwardness. It was really embarrassing to watch. I sort of loved it.
But really?? Star quit?? Kathy Griffin calls Jones the President of the Lucky Club, and it's true. Well, besides marrying a blatantly homosexual man, that's slightly unfortunate.
So cut to the next day and the real Hot Topics begin.
Breakdown:
-Rosie agreed to do the View contingent on Star getting the ax.
-Star was never officially fired but her contract was not renewed. Um, same thing.
-Jones and the ladies were set to announce her departure later in the week.
-Jones jumped the gun and surprised everyone.
-Barbara is quoted as "feeling betrayed"
-Star said she was betrayed because Walters "didn't have my back."
Note: If I'm ever in a street fight, I'd like an elderly woman in a Chanel suit whispering animal noises to have my back.
But all of this is really great TV. The gossip off the set, the poop/fan combo broadcast live, the gossip after said broadcast. This is insane for ratings. Money down the geniuses at Newhouse overhaul the PR major to include Gossip Synergy Studies.