1) Bought a tube of toothpaste and couldn't open it for 4 days. FOUR DAYS. I debated leaving a post-it on my bathroom mirror for my roommates that said, "Could you try to open my toothpaste?" but thought that would make me look like a bigger moron than usual. In my defense, the tube had a new specially designed seal that was ridiculous including grooves and a cap screw or something.
I ended up cutting the actual tube with scissors.
2) Traveled to Miami with my best people and almost punched through a ceiling while attempting to dance at a bar on South Beach. Again, in my defense, the ceilings were incredibly low.
3) Went home to my family's farm for my dad's surprise 60th birthday party and my girlfriend came along to meet the fam. Posts to follow on this, to be sure, but just so you know how the weekend went for me, someone found the cable to our VCR making it possible to watch old home movies. (Cue pained expression of embarrassment.) I'm quite sure I've never seen Meredith laugh so hard. And now whenever she gets a little grin from out of nowhere, I know she's picturing fat little kid me in my hiked-up Umbros and a Body Glove belly shirt.
Grrrrrr.
4) I bought a pack of gum with the flavor "Nonstop Mint" and the smell is following me everywhere. It's seriously such a strong smell. Every time I open my bag I am assaulted by the fumes of manufactured mint. It's making me sick. I think I'm going to have to throw it away, but it offends me to throw gum away instead of giving it away. Do you want a piece?
5) Had this conversation with Jeffrey yesterday and was pretty unclear as to how I should respond to any of it:
Jeffrey: What's new, Jessie?
Me: Not much, Jeffrey. Going to New York this weekend.
Jeffrey: Oh! Do me a favor? If you go to the thing-- the thing is there, right? The thing?
Me: Which one, now?
Jeffrey: Rockefeller Center. If you go can you get me a Days of Our Lives hat? My sister-in-law threw away my Passions hat. She tossed anything that wasn't nailed down. My electric knife is missing!
5 comments:
...and then my fat girlfriend came out of the woods...
i'm dying.
Me: I thought you were going to sleep?
You: I was. But then we started to make fun of you and I like that game.
I'm nice, you're mean. It's ok.
So effing excited to celebrate 26 years of MFB!
You're my person.
The toothpaste problem is indeed remarkable--no toothpaste should be sealed up like Fort Knox.
I had no idea that Days of Our Lives clothing and accessories existed.
Got any gum... eeeeghh [Pull shirt collar to the side]
anonymous- if we're not already best friends, do you want to be?
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