Friday, June 09, 2006

Sunshine State.

Spent a week in Florida to: a) dog/housesit for my aunt and uncle
b) Help Ness move into her new apartment
c) escape my job and regain my sanity. The night before i left i hung up on a guest for asking for their soup in a bread bowl. It was time to get away.

In regard to A, let me just say, don't do this. It seems like a good idea, have a house to yourself, whatever, but not so much. If the dogs are good, it might be a different story, but these are the worst dogs in the world. They bark and jump on you constantly (I have bruises all over my body) and one of them was diagnosed by the vet as being bipolar so when it looks like he's depressed you have to talk to him for 45 minutes reminding him that "he's the best dog there is." Seriously.
And their backyard is honestly a botanical garden so between watering the plants and giving a dog his daily affirmations, I wasn't feeling it.

Concerning B, any move in our family is a breeding ground for hilarity. Past highlights include me being asked to sit in the closet while Sabrina unpacked (yes Alanis, it is), a ping-pong table flying off the back of my father's truck, an oversized U-Haul getting wedged under a bridge in Queens, and well, you get the idea.
This move for Ness was no exception. And actually, I think because of my literal exhaustion (thanks dogs) and heat exhaustion (thanks heat), everything was five times funnier. I haven't laughed so much in consecutive days since London. It was awesome.
Brina flew in from NY to help because her lists and moving skills are unparalleled. Hands down, the most militantly organized human alive. My moving list would have three things on it. Bed, TV, cereal bowls. The list she made for Vanessa had almost 200 items on it. At lunch she suggested we go through the list and include possible color schemes. I suggested we eat sweet potato fries.
But really, lifting heavy things and assembling furniture is impossible when you're keeled over from laughter. A good laugh is like a foot that's fallen asleep. You're not going anywhere.
So, I think the ability to relay an inside joke and make those on the outside appreciate it is the most advanced skill in storytelling. I don't have said skill so I'll spare you. But think of your most intense laugh. The kind where you literally hold your sides, realize 3/4's of the way through that you've forgotten to breathe and widen your watering eyes as if that will make your lungs expand, only to realize that's not how the respiratory system works. I had a week of that.


Sabrina said...

How old are you?

Jess said...

HA! i tried typing that story out. there's just no way to tell it.