Holy Shit.

So i just wrote the last chapter to my book! I was reading an essay by Camus and it gave me an idea for a wrap up and I sat down and finished it! If you're not related to me, you probably don't know or care that i've been working on this (on and mostly off) for what seems like forever, but yea, fucking last chapter bitches!!! Note: Jane Austen is famously quoted as saying, "fucking last chapter bitches" upon completing Sense and Sensibility. True.
But I'm really excited, like shaking excited actually. I called my sisters and my parents and everyone was sleeping. Kind of takes the buzz away from a writing high when you have to wake people up and wait for the sleep voice to fade away so they can be excited for you too, but I'll take it.
Just went to the store to get a bottle of wine to celebrate. Nono good sir, 2 buck chuck's will not do for this occasion. I have written a book! Tonight shall be $3 Spanish Wine!

And What Do You Think That Means?

How best to describe conversations with Karla? Truly, there are a thousand different ways I could go with it, but I guess it's like looking at a Pollock only to realize you're searching for Waldo. She has such an incredible ability to mix huge philosophical points with something completely unrelated, and I never see it coming, and actually, I don't think she does either. I shouldn't be surprised when it happens, but i honestly find it so amusing every time because she doesn't even attempt to link the two. They're always just connected by a thoughtful pause, like it was an extension of the idea she had just expressed.
Example:
So she's studying to be a counselor and was trying to sell me on the idea of analysis. Just explaining it more or less, the benefits, how it works, the absence of validation, whatever. I'm a staunch realist so I have issues with analysis because if that person is just going to stare at you and not say anything, what's the point? Just talk to yourself in the mirror. And she said that they'll mention a twitch or reaction when you mention a person, and a similar action when you mention something else and ask you to find the connection. this would honestly be my personal hell. I'm a nervous person by nature. Having someone call me out on my fidgeting and asking me to find the deeper meaning behind it would drive me nuts. Well, I keep shifting cuz you're staring at me. The meaning there is that I want you to stop looking at me.
But anyway, Karla was making some really wonderful points I was totally impressed, and then she kind of inhales deeply like she's about to make this grand summation and says, "You know, I really want to see the new X-Men."
I'm not kidding
And neither was she.
It was all so classic, but I in no way wanted to validate it. So i just sat there and stared. And I figured if she made a connection between x-men and her childhood, I would charge her $75.

Open. Now Tell Me the Story of Your Life.

Went to the dentist yesterday. Scheduled teeth cleanings really highlight how fast time flies. Wasn't I just here? Yes, six months ago. Really? Yes. Wow, that went fast. I have that same exchange every time I go. I like to get a little conversation in with the receptionist before heading to the chair where I will be reduced to the noises I can make from the back of my mouth.
I have a theory that everyone in the medical profession gathers once a year for a convention to discuss new ways to make patients look ridiculous. Past years honors have gone to:
-The rubber mallet used to test reflexes. This is just a way for doctors to hit you with things and see how you'll react. It in no way has anything to do with reflexes.
-The paper crop top. It's like the paper dress but it's just a top. NOTE: once at the dermatologist I was told to put this on, and I thought it was a gown so I took off my pants and tried going leg first through the sleeve. And when the doctor knocked on the door, I was like, "holy shit! She's looking at my neck! Why are my pants off?!" and started screaming at her not to come in. The paper top won that year because of that story.
And i'm sure when Nessa becomes a doctor she'll win based on something to do with a physio ball.
But undoubtedly, top honors go to dentists every year for the new ways they find to increase the awkwardness of a visit.
When I went in yesterday, my regular dentist wasn't there. I was greeted by a man named Art. "Hi, I'm Art" was his exact introduction. No Dr. or hygienist mention, just a guy named Art there to brush and floss my teeth. Ok, whatever.
So Art followed all of the regular dentist tricks. Tilting the chair back until you are almost completely vertical upside-down, shining the bright light directly into your eyes, putting the spit sucker in before he's even ready to do anything. Check, check, check. But he got bonus points for offering music.
"Would you like some music?"
"Ah,hUhhh."
And with this he turned on a little cd player, right next to my face which blasted tango music for 25 minutes. I'm not kidding. Having your teeth cleaned to an accordion playing adds a certain amount of festivity, although I couldn't help but think Art was using this as a potential presentation for the convention.
So with spit sucker, water gun, and toothbrush all in mouth he begins the questioning. WHY must they do this? If you want to be close to people's heads and get to know them, cut hair. Don't put things in my mouth, namely one that sucks spit, and then ask me to dish.
-So Jessica, do you live in SF
-Ah Haaa.
-Were you born here?
-AH.
-Oh no? Where are you from originally?
-AH hay hu hooor
-Oh i love upstate in the fall.
Jesus Art, you're good.
But they don't give toothbrushes anymore which kind of bums me out. Art said if I wanted I could keep the paper bib. FYI, you don't need to take your pants off for that one either. God, they could let you know ahead of time.

potpourri.

Too lazy to put this into any organized form. Just a few things.

-Wore my favorite old jean jacket today, haven't worn it in maybe a year. Here's what I found in the top right buttoned pocket.
*A pair of AirTran wings. a very cool gift.
*The email address of a girl I met on a flight to LA a long time ago. Maybe one of the funniest people I've ever met. The flight attendant actually told us to stop laughing. Well, I never wrote her. Weird the people that pass through our lives, huh?
*A fortune from a fortune cookie reading, "your efforts will be worthwhile." I don't remember getting this but I could see myself saving it so that if my efforts ever did prove to be worthwhile i could be like, 'hey! my fortune called it!'

-David Blaine is under water in a bubble for like a week. MAGIC! do people know about this? I guess my big question would be why? followed by, no-- really. You know he was in the bath after a long day of card tricks and he's all, "holy crap! I have an idea!"

-Sarah is going to China and the weather forecast is SAND. honestly.

-Bought some new CDs at amoeba today. i wasn't able to listen to one of them but took a gamble and it's brilliant! The Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place by Explosions in the Sky. I banked it all on the little sticker review that read, 'it will kill anyone who ever had a heart.' whoa. it's really beautiful stuff. right up there with the Sigur Rós album, Takk.

-Was coming home tonight and ran into my neighbor getting off this party bus. She works for google and that's their shuttle! it picks them up every morning and drops them off in this huge party bus, i don't know what else to call it. It's like going to prom everyday. Only without the dresses, and you have to do work. But still. What a fun commute!

-saw 2 cars with SU stickers on the windows. i was totally going to write them a windshield note but that would be weird. a lady stopped me once while i was running with a cuse t-shirt on and was like, "Syracuse!" and i was like, "YEAH!" and she was like, "ok, bye." i ran the whole way home laughing.
big gulps, huh?

My Super Sweet 16 And The End of America.

There's something about the way MTV programming is edited that I don't mind watching the same episode of 8th and Ocean six times.
This scares me.
It's obvious the network has worked out some sort of brainwashing technique through fast cuts and pacing to make a generation of viewers watch back to back episodes of "Yo Mamma" for half a day without thinking twice.
I have less than a year before I have to stop watching. I've told myself that 25 is the age that all MTV viewing must cease. It seems appropriate.
I'm reminded continually that I should start waning now. A huge red flag came the other day when Jamie Foxx was on TRL and got everyone to chant 'Tom Cruise' followed by 'Jerry Curl.' I missed the connection because I was yelling at them to shut up and it occurred to me that I didn't need to be watching this.
The same thing happens with The View. When I actually watch this, (which stuns me every time) I end up swearing at the television until I shut it off and think, oh, that was easy.
But I might have to stop my MTV viewing a little ahead of schedule thanks to a show called 'My Super Sweet 16.' If you haven't seen it, you're my personal hero and I urge you to stop reading this and continue saving the world.
My Super Sweet Sixteen is everything that is wrong with America neatly packed into a 60 minute show. Yes, the Bush administration, our dependence on naturally harmful energies, and Star Jones talking, are all problems for the US. But history books will point to this show, as the actual end.
Here's a typical episode:
-Spoiled child asks for party in VIP room at club with trained, iced-out tigers serving virgin mojitos to 600 of her closest friends, while she is flown in via helicopter to meet Kanye West who will sing golddigger, naked. Afterwards, her father presents her with a hardtop lexus convertible with a family of Katrina victims in the trunk who will act as her personal entourage for the year.
The club and the car are the only variables.
I remember I thought my 16th birthday was awesome. Me and Beth had a combined party at my house and 50 people came, and we had 2 sheet cakes, and there was a big snowball fight in the orchard out back, and we cleared the family room and everyone danced including Matt and Mark Maleski who were the best dancers in Brockport.
It was epic.
To this day I still get chills when i hear tracks from Ultimate Dance Party '97.
'Boom Boom Boom' by the Outhere brothers could revive a man from a comatose state.
That's a super sweet medical truth.

Cinco de Mayo.

Any excuse to eat a burrito is ok by me. I usually like to go every cinco de week, but eating for the purposes of celebration is fun. I'm always reminded on this day of my ancestors who were at Puebla for the defeat of the French. They weren't Mexican, and they didn't actually fight, they just picked a very poor time to vacation. But the deal they found on Expedia was too good to pass up. It would be over 100 years until that "dot cooooom" slogan would make any sense to them.
People in SF have a strange loyalty to their taquerias. It's like people in NY with pizza places, or people in Delaware with their, um, something. Everyone thinks theirs is the best.
But seriously, my taqueria is the best.
For a while I was pretty loyal to Casa Mexicana because their fresh salsa CANNOT be beat. Although, Tommy's salsa verde is like dipping a tortilla chip into a liquid Mexican Heaven. But lately Taqueria El Castillito has been unbeatable. They make the best veggie burrito I've ever had in my entire life. It honestly weighs like 3 pounds and it so full of fresh goodness if it had wings, it would be a little foil-wrapped angel in Mexican Heaven.
Sorry for the references. I took a World Religion course called Rice, Beans, and Jesus: The Ideology of Mexican Heaven. I'm just trying to put it to use.
But the reason I keep going back is because the people there are SO nice. and also, because I like to play, "Count the Lady." If they say 'lady' less than 10 times, they win. More than 10, I win. Prizes have yet to be determined, but it's so much fun.
-What do you want, lady?
-Flour tortilla, lady?
-Regular or super, lady?
-Spicy, lady?
-Cheese, lady?
-cilantro, lady?
-what do you have, lady?
-chips, lady?
-something to drink, lady?
-for here, lady?
-thank you lady.
I love it.
So go grab a burrito and a Negra Modelo, it's the least you can do.
oh, and a great little site for the holiday. burritoeater.com

Let's Live Here.

I was flipping through The New York Times Magazine in yesterday's paper and came across an ad for Atlantic City. Actually, it was a 7-page spread, one of those editorial ads where they need disclaimers to remind you that it's not an article. Thanks for the heads up.
The only real reason I stopped to read the entire thing was the absolutely hilarious tag line. The first page of the ad is a birds eye view of the city at night, with the text,
"Atlantic City. Come For The Day, Stay For The Weekend."
That's the best they could do?!!! Atlantic City, Double your time here! stay over night! They're basing the entire campaign on the hopes you'll be so drunk, you can't leave that same day--and anyone who's ever been to AC knows you want to do that almost immediately. One column was called, "The Rebirth of Cool" and described all the new changes. If anything, AC is cool's afterbirth.
Without being too harsh, Atlantic City is a little strip of hell. They bus crazy amounts of elderly people in, to gamble away money they don't really have and the whole thing is just overwhelmingly sad. Plus, it's dirty, and loud, and not fun. STAY THE WEEKEND!
Under a section describing the musical bookings:
"Looking for big name musical talent? Atlantic City has you covered. Snoop Dogg, Patti LaBelle, Neil Diamond, and Kenny G comes to Caesars for one night on May 13th."
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Kenny comes for one night only?? Didn't he get the memo? Stay the effing weekend!
And sorry, were Snoop and Neil Diamond in the same list there? Fo Shizzle Sweet Carolinizzle.
And quick! Name a Patti LaBelle song!
Yea, I couldn't either.
How will we fit all this crap into one day? Well, honey, we'll need to spend the weekend.
On one page it says,
Sleek
Modern
Sophisticated.
Atlantic City.
Which one of these doesn't belong? Oh, we're not playing that? You're actually calling a place with nickel slots sophisticated? Ok, I missed that.
It's a random rant, sorry.
But it's a beautiful day!!! Out on the roof listening to The Sounds. It's a fun little album. Enjoy the sun!!