Watermelonkiller.com

As previously mentioned, I came up with a brilliant idea the other night. Nessa was showing me the websites of her friends who have developed very sophisticated and successful workout techniques. Some of the videos showed 100 people in a class all punching and kicking before moving on to working with swords. Swords. Seriously. I'm all for a practical self-defense workout that adds to fitness, but who walks around with a sword?

I've had ideas for self-defense classes before, namely, "Kick Ya In The Face" which is just an hour of kicking your leg in the air as high as you can while shouting, "I'llllll kick ya in the face!" But Nessa said her friend's sword classes are so successful that she's flown around the world to teach.

This got me thinking. Obviously, the air of danger is appealing to these sword workout people. And I know from years of experience that walking around carrying heavy things is not only good cardio, but your arms end up looking pretty cut too. (Carrying groceries, laundry, or a 12pk of beer was always my excuse for not working out.) So naturally, my thought was to combine the two: Walk around carrying something heavy (a watermelon) and have the threat of an attack at any time. I call it Watermelon Killer.

Get familiar with the name, because it's going to be as ubiquitous as Pilates.

Here's how it works: You sign up for Watermelon Killer and are given a fresh watermelon each week. You never meet your trainer but one is assigned to follow you and chase you from time to time wearing a ski mask, a Scream mask, or clown costume. A lot of people say they would only run if chased and the Watermelon Killer training technique puts that to the test. Even if you go weeks without being confronted, you're still carrying a watermelon everywhere you go. It's win win.