Monday, November 09, 2009

That's Not A Real Sentence.

Warning: Shameless praise for family member follows.

Congrats to my sister for working on the most successful fundraising gala in City Opera history! It's sort of a huge deal. For the last 3 months, whenever I've called Bri, I've been rushed off the phone by an ice-cold, "I'm extremely busy." 

Really? Because you had enough time to pick up the phone to say that.  

I always countered with an equally important, "Me too. I just called to tell you that I'm wearing a ball gown right now. And I'm talking to a Countess. And the mayor's on hold. So I have to go."

But she worked incredibly hard and the event was a smash hit, so good on ya, sister! I can't imagine planning anything bigger than a birthday party-- and even that would just be 15 minutes of staring at a list that looked something like this:
-Dance mix

I finally got to talk to her for more than five minutes over the weekend and I heard all about it. However, it's obvious that there's a certain disconnection from reality when you allow your mind to focus on a gala for months at a time. While describing the auction, this was an actual sentence she said without even the slightest hint of irony or sarcasm:
"And the wild boar hunting in Friedrichsruh, Germany with the von Bismark Family followed by a black-tie ball went for $30,000."


What's an appropriate response to a sentence like that? Really, I'd like to know. 

All I could think to do was laugh my ass off, which I did. 

I was so intrigued by this auction lot though, that I googled it and read the terms for the winning bid: Terms: Valid for two guns, Four persons for October 2010. Does not include accommodations; recommendations will be provided. A valid hunting license for Germany is required.

What?! So not only did the winning bidder have to have 30 g's to drop on The Sound of Music version of Duck Hunt, they also had to have a valid German hunting license. Which, I don't know, maybe all rich people have. 
-Is there a problem, officer?
-License and registration, please.
-My valid German hunting license? 

And what the hell?! Does not include accommodations but recommendations will be provided? 
"The von Bismark family would like to thank you for shooting boar with us. There's a lovely Holiday Inn Express about 350 miles from here."


The Rodeo Princess said...

I bet it's not even a NICE Holiday Inn Express. I bet it is a converted Red Roof Inn, with sous chefs that will clean your game for you.

Brina said...

Thanks Jess!!! As you said, it all started with the party bulbs and a big order from K&K. And it's a white tie ball (just in case you go)

Ness said...

K, now write about me...

Naomi said...

If I had a blog, I'd write constant entries in praise of ALL the Martin sisters. And not just because I wish I were one...

Jess said...

Aw, Naomi! I always wanted a little sister!

I'm trying to picture family videos, car trips, and holidays with a 4th Martin girl. It's actually pretty funny.

Ness said...

um, you have a little!?!

Jess said...

It's funny because it's true.

Note: I like at comedy clubs when people in the audience lean over to their friends and whisper, "It's funny because it's true!" I think a really good comic would learn to plant himself in the audience and say that throughout someone else's set.

A great comic would lean over and whisper it to no one.