Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Please Return Your Seat To The Upright Position, And Stop Eating Your Poop.

Pet Airways, the first ever all-pet airline, made its first flight yesterday.

Here's how I imagine things went:

At check in:
Mr. BooBoo, has anyone asked you to carry anything in your bag for today's flight?
Mr. BooBoo? Do you know what's in your bag, sir?
Mr. BooBoo, I'm going to need you to come with me sir.

After takeoff:
Ladies and gentlemen this is your Captain speaking. Yes it is! Who's the Captain?! Huh?! I'm the Captain, yes I am! Who does the Captain love?! Who does the Captain love?! (cough) We'll be climbing up to our maximum altitude shortly. Sit back, feel free to pee on something, enjoy the flight.

During the flight:
Ma'am while the light is on I'm going to need you to sit in your seat. Siiiit. Sit. Siiiiit down. Sit down please. Sit. Good girl! Hey! Sit please!

And when they landed half of the bags had been torn or eaten.

I'm only basing these scenarios on the last few domestic flights I've taken.


Naomi said...

Jess, I seriously haven't laughed so hard in a really really long time. I am literally sitting at my desk at work...shoulders heaving...CRYING...wheezing with laughter. Ask Sabrina. I am not exaggerating.

Jess said...

ha! Naomi! It's not even that funny! You must have been having a hard day.

I will say though, that when people describe laughter, without fail, I start to tear up and laugh--I have a tear duct thing. But yeah, that was a great description of a laugh! Totally made me smile. So thanks.

Also, you win all sorts of points for quoting Drop Dead Gorgeous and for using "Aaaaand scene." When I start to ramble and can't figure a way out of it, "Aaaaaand scene" usually works.