Tuesday, March 20, 2007

It's The SECRET!!!

Have you heard about the secret yet? I watched a whole show on Oprah after the seeing promos about "The Secret" and how it's Oprah's new thing. It was basically her standing in front of her wide-eyed followers shouting, "It's THE SECRET!!!" while they screamed fanatically and some passed out. You know how at some talk shows they'll have signs light up instructing the audience to applaud? At Oprah's show the signs say "Cry" "Have a Seizure" "Scream like Someone's Killing You." Oprah has the cash flow for all three. And even in March, there's a chance it could be Oprah's Favorite Things Show, so everyone freaks out with everything she says, because at any moment, they could be getting 16 cashmere sweaters.

"The Secret" episode had me for like 3 minutes until they finally came out with it and said it all had to do with visualizing success or what you want or whatever. That you had to believe to see. OK, fine. Is that really the secret? Yes. Yes it is. And it's making millions. And millions of people are saying "The Secret" has changed their lives. Look, I'm all for positive thought, I just think it's hilarious that it's actually called "The Secret." You know the author of that whole thing was the same person who at junior high sleep-overs would be like, "You guys, I have a secret" and everyone would want to know what it was, and she wouldn't tell for hours until finally, she sat everyone down in a circle and was like, "OK, here it is. I like fruit cups."
That's not a secret. Idiot.

It's like Lance Armstrong's book, "It's Not About The Bike." Well Lance, you can't really win the Tour without one, so it is kind of about the bike.

But "The Secret" was mentioned yesterday on The View (I have a problem, I know) and it got me thinking. When I first started hearing back from agents, I was visualizing how things would play out and yet, I still hadn't heard back from the original agent who requested my work. So I'm like, "Here's a secret, that thing is lame" and I went for a run. When I got back, I checked my email, and it was from Jenny Bent, the agent I was waiting to hear from. She requested to see my rewrites meaning I'm still in the game with my book.

I called Sabrina to tell her this and she burst out laughing. "It's not the Secret!"
"Dude, I know. But still, it's a little weird, right?"
"Stop."

I really do think that marketing something that people can do for free is uber lame, but positive thought never killed anyone--well besides that poor woman who thought she won a helicopter on Oprah. And I'm not endorsing The Secret-- have you seen that lady?? She wears a bead on her face. All I'm saying is, I'm picturing a pony. And, if a pony happens to arrive at my door, well, then we might have something to talk about.

9 comments:

Ness said...

Why do you only quote Brina?!?! You called me too, I'm sure I said something better than that to post! If n when that ish gets published and Bri has more shout outs than me (yes I will count) you're not gonna hold the video camera for my first born anymore!!

Jess said...

A) um, ew.

B) you're right. I'm sorry. I believe you said, "would you rather be a rockstar or an actress?"
so that would have been totally relevant to the point I was trying to make.

Sarah said...

I have always said that about Lance's ill-titled book! If that book is about ANYTHING, it's a bike.

brina said...

Ness, obviously I'm going to get more shout outs in the book because I'm older and I'm prettier.

And I didn't know you were preggers. When did that happen? On the cruise?

And here's a secret: Jess loves me more.

Jess said...

i think i'm going to start saying, "here's a secret" before everything I say. how long before people start to punch me do you think?

here's a secret, you're both crazy. and i love Navin the most. I miss Navin. Hey Navin! How you doing?!

ness said...

ohhh Sabrina....whatever you need to tell yourself to boost that confidence, I'll allow. Seriously sister if you are feeling down and need a pick me up pop in the '98 edition of class acts...you did a wonderful piece of phantom which im sure is to make you feel warm and fulzzy inside.....plus jess's comedy skit is killer! We all know the truth about the contributions each martin girl makes to the family...jess's sense of humor, your voice, my amazing looks and moms pink sweater...dont forget that! alright homie something told the wild geese it was time to go! ONE

Jess said...

Congratulations Vanessa. You've won comment of the year.

something whispered, something whispered, SOME-THING WHIS-PERED snow-oooooooo.

JuLiA =] said...

HI Jess. its julia. whats upppppppp. Im mad at you because you never told me you had a blog.=]. well your a loser for not telling me =p. haha im just joking. Brina and Ness stop tring to be the one with the most attention, cause I AM. IM probally in the book more than both of you .lolololololololololol

Im a pissa

JULZ said...

WAIT A SECOND WHY DIDNT YOU CALL ME 2?

i WANT A SWEATER

LOL