Monday, June 16, 2008

Shall We?

If a pollster called you right this second and asked you to name the one thing America needs more of, what would you say?

More dance shows. Exactly.

Because while candidates and the media keep talking about healthcare, Iraq, the economy, and the environment, what this nation really needs right now is a another televised tutorial about how to dance. It's not enough that we all know how to pop it. We also need to learn and understand what it means to lock, and drop it. It's called current events, people. Pay attention. And to date, there just haven't been enough shows on TV to dispense all the necessary information to the public.

So I was recently overjoyed to see an ad for a new dance show called Master of Dance. Without Master of Dance, those looking to learn about the issues could only turn to this tiny list of dance shows:

Dancing With The Stars
America's Best Dance Crew
America's Best Dance Crew Season 2 (But shouldn't it actually be called America's Second Best Dance Crew?)
Step It Up And Dance
So You Think You Can Dance?
Your Mama Don't Dance
Dance War: Bruno vs. CarryAnn
The Deadliest Dance on the Discovery Channel
Ice Road Dancers
Law & Order: Flap Ball Change Unit
Iron Dance America
How I Met Your Dancer
My House is Worth Dance?
And Dance Dance Dance Dance Dance which is currently in pre-production


Pamplemousse said...

Law & Order: Flap Ball Change Unit


and i love how ellen counts. she rocks -- makes me laugh out loud awkwardly at the gym. whatever, it's not as bad as the guy who literally sings on the treadmill -- i kid you not. and he can't really catch his breath, so it's all jerky...

great call on this entry. i will say, however, SYTYCD is my favorite show on tv right now. amazing.

Macnabbs said...

Other possible shows include ‘mandancing’ where men stand around the edge of a dancefloor, cradling a pint and talking about football, while women dance around handbags. Or ‘daddancing’, where men in cardigans show the younger generation their moves – extra pints awarded for actually making your teenage offspring sweat to death with shame.

Always good to see ‘Ice Road Truckers’ mentioned in any context. I think the Ice Road franchise could be extended beyond dancing, for instance ‘Ice Road Cooking’, ‘Ice Road Cosmetic Surgery Live’, ‘CSI Ice Road’ ‘Ice Road Lawlessness and Disorder’, and of course ‘Ice Road to…’ where CGI Bing and Bob croon and slapstick their way through a blizzard…and hilarity ensues.

Jess said...

oh no you didn't.
SYTYCD??! do people say that?? i'm hoping you were just saving on type and that you're not such a huge fan that you drop the name of the show in code like that expecting people to know what you are talking about. i honestly tried sounding it out for about a solid minute before i got it. "sitized? is that a show?"

for some reason my mind can't grasp things like that. a while ago my mom asked me a personal question and I was like, "whoa mom, NKOTB!" and she just sort of tilted her head and said, "New Kids On The Block?"

Those ice road spin-offs (pun intended) are perfect. I'd watch them all. Also looking forward to The Ice Road Bachelorette where each week the remaining men are brought out to a thin layer of ice in the Arctic Circle where they must wait for a rig to deliver the roses. It really would be the most dramatic rose ceremony ever.

Naomi said...

I knew exactly what SYTYCD was and I refer to it commonly as such.

Anonymous said...

I hope you don't mind, but I fully intend to send a link this blog to Mike Meyers as an example of what true comedy writing is. Perhaps then I won't have to see anymore previews for the love Guru. It's unfair of me to judge, as I have not seen the movie but I think blind monkeys could turn out a better film.

I also plan to incorrectly use acronyms such as your NKOTB example. I could see where it could get you into trouble, though. Switching OMG and LOL when you friend tells you she has a life threatning illness may not be the best move.

-TRF Forever

Jess said...

whatever, you're the best comedy writer! remember the script you wrote that those guys turned into the movie about chicken wings? or was it quarters? maybe it was quarters. yea quarters, right? i loved it so much i remember it that well. but it was amazing.

and is it just me or does a script about a bunch of blind monkeys trying to put a film together seem like a holiday hit? think: bowfinger meets project x.

let me know how the acronym thing goes. I was talking to a friend about personal ad acronyms the other day and we both agreed that they could either be describing a person or a waterfront property. "Now are they saying something about their body type with this one, or does that mean granite countertops?"

Anonymous said...

Ah, yes, that script. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I'd have to say the best feeling was sitting in that theatre full of people and listening to the audiences collective silence and confusion, while I scoped out the exit signs. Nothing says "funny" like audible confusion.

Luckily the premiere of our film saved my reputation as a genius film maker...and that, kids, is how I got my start in the IT field.

Jess said...

Please write into the Newhouse Alumni mag with that story.

I'll wait.

I was in a grocery store in queens and saw a kid with an SU hat on so i was like, Yeah 'cuse! and we got to talking and he said he was in trf too so i was like, "are you working in the industry?"
and he was like, "Well, sort of. I'm a busboy."