Friday, February 02, 2007

Did I catch a Niner?

Something is happening at work involving a new floor being put in and it has caused all these additional headaches and created extra jobs that need to be done. It's completely stressful. I mean, I haven't actually been involved in any of it, but it looks stressful. Truth be told, I have no clue what's going on. All I heard was "new floor" and when I went in yesterday everything had been moved around so it took me like 20 minutes to find the cereal--and that folded some unnecessary drama into my day. So yea, I guess if I was asked, I would say it's been a stressful endeavor.
My boss Karen, who hates me, walked me through everything and I tried to fake listen as best I could while looking for the damn granola. After she left my Asst. Manager Tony gave me a walkie talkie and explained that we'd be using them to communicate from the 37th floor to the main kitchen on the 2nd floor.
Need I say more than walkie talkie?!
I don't care how old you are-- people get excited when using walkie talkies. If you don't immediately start shouting, "Bravo Bravo, Roger Victor" or something of the like, well, then, we have nothing in common.

Tony is tech-genius golden boy so he takes these things very seriously.
I like pressing buttons to talk.
He went down to the second floor to test out the range, I stayed on 37.

-Tony to Jessica, do you read?
-Copy that Tony, I LOVE to read.
-Jessica, stop. Can you hear me?
-Bring it on over flatbed.
-I don't know, it's trucker talk. Can you give me the WD-40 on the granola whereabouts?
-Come on!
-Sorry, over and out.
-Don't say over and out until we're totally done! (he was getting a little mad here)
-uhh, sorry Tony. Don't use these things on the daily, over...and out.

We had three different tests like this last night. It was so much fun. I'm using them today for real though and I'm not sure why. Guess I should have been paying attention. cchchhhch.


Anonymous said...

Ooooh, have you given yourself a cool callsign yet? Nothing, but nothing, drives normal people mad quite like insisting on being addressed by your callsign when using your walkie talkie.

For instance:
Them: Jess?
You: ...
Them: jess? are you reading me?
You: ...
Them: >sigh< Base to Bandit.
You: Bandit responding!
and so on

Lesson two:

Codes. This saves time and cuts through tedious stuff like real conversation, it also means that State Troopers, health inspectors and other evesdroppers don't know what you're doing.

For instance:

Full English Breakfast = Heart Attack on a plate!

Then you have your number codes:

'I was racing my room service trolly against somebody from housekeeping with an over-laden service cart when the bitch side-swiped me - I am now sitting in the wreckage of a floral display I clipped, the leftovers of a dinner for two and about 200 sachets of shampoo!' becomes 'Bandit reporting a 10-20'.

Finally - bored? Suggest you make a gunshot noise and scream 'man down!' then a) time how long it takes security to get up to the 37th floor and b) see how many times you can do it before it gets old.

Jess said...

yup, hilarious.

too bad my gunshot noise hasn't changed since i was like five. still the ppshoo ppshoo sound. don't think that would send security running.

i LOVE the codes. it's like diner lingo--which I wish I could use exclusively. but i don't think it translates well to Mandarin.

"Fry 2, let the sunshine! Burn the British with cow to cover! A stack of Vermont with a glass of moo juice, and a pot of mud. stat"

or, i guess stat is a medical term.
maybe it was a hospital diner.